First Psychology blog

Relationships with parents or caregivers can be complex and families come in many different shapes and sizes. The idea of a traditional, nuclear family is no longer relevant in today’s society. However you were raised and whoever provided care for you is still integral to your future and personal identity so it’s important to understand your relationship and how it can be improved. Firstly, you might want to ask yourself the following questions to gain clarity on whether you have a healthy or unhealthy relationship and if it needs to improve: Can you talk openly with your parents without fear of judgement? Do you feel that your parents are controlling? Do you feel loved? As we become adults, our relationships with our parents can change, possibly because they don’t have as much control as they once did, and sometimes this can put a strain on our bond. The importance of a healthy relationship The relationships we have with our parents are some of the most important and influential that ...

Even the most prepared of parents-to-be can feel overwhelmed when their baby arrives. Coping with the stress and responsibilities associated with becoming a parent can take its toll both mentally and physically. However, you won’t be alone in feeling you aren’t coping, and there are NHS resources available that can help you during this transition from pregnancy to parenthood. Changing routines If you are the type of person that relies on strict routines and organisation, it may be a shock to the system when your usual routines are disrupted. Your baby may not respond to a strict schedule and you could find yourself with a baby that requires constant attention. Chores will be left unfinished, emails and texts unanswered, and sleep will be something you can only dream of. This lack of control can cause feelings of powerlessness and frustration, and the lack of sleep could leave you irritable, anxious and depressed. Altered relationships Some couples find their relationship suffers once ...

While the mental health problems experienced by mothers tend to be widely recognised and documented, in comparison, little attention has been shown to new fathers. However, since a recent 'radical initiative' introduced at the end of 2018 by NHS England, men are now being offered support with their mental health if their partners are struggling with their own wellbeing. When it comes to young fathers, research has shown that they are sometimes more prone to issues with their mental health than older fathers, They are also exposed to negative assumptions and judgements, which can also exist around the idea of the 'young father' with depictions of them in the media as absent or irresponsible. In fact only 10% of non-resident fathers will lose contact with their children over time. The stress and anxieties that come with being a new parent are not gender specific and it has been estimated that 25% of new fathers will experience depression in the first year. This is not...

The role of the father figure has shifted significantly over time. Hundreds of years ago, the role of the father would be as both breadwinner and authoritative conveyer of rules and moral codes. More recently, the changing and expanding roles of women have allowed for men to shift more comfortably into the position of care-giver, providing more for their children than just financial stability. Despite this,  statistics  show that in recent years, UK shoppers spend an average of 75% more on Mother's Day than they do on their dads. Research  has shown that the involvement of fathers is critical to a child’s growth, health and well-being with reports showing that they are more likely to form stronger relationships, have confidence in new surroundings and be more emotionally secure. Not only can a positive male role-model encourage young boys to develop positive gender-based characteristics, daughters are also more likely to form a positive opinion of other men in their l...

With the light and unusually balmy evenings we're having, people generally share a desire to spend more time outside than during the autumn and winter. The same is true of our children too – it’s much more appealing to play outside with their friends than to stay home with us. It’s a dilemma for parents though. Light and warm evenings provide the perfect distraction to get our children away from all the social media and technology gadgets that claim so much of their time indoors; however, it’s a big, bad world out there. How exactly do we assess whether our children possess the skills they’ll need to survive outside the safety of their home? This interesting  article about 'helicopter parenting'  looks at the challenges that parenting in today’s modern society brings. What we need to remember is the fact that we’re trying to build a balance as they move from childhood to adolescence to adulthood. We need them to develop the skills they’ll need to be independent, while...

None of us wants to see a child unhappy, but the best way to help kids overcome anxiety isn’t to try to remove stressors that trigger it. It’s to help them learn to function as well as they can, even when they’re anxious. And as a bi-product of that, the anxiety will decrease or fall away over time. Remember: the goal isn’t to eliminate anxiety, but to help a child manage it. It is natural to feel anxious when dealing with changes to our usual routine – starting school is a good example of one of these changes. Often, your child won’t know the words to explain what they’re feeling, but if any of the following is becoming an issue, chances are your child is anxious about something: Being clingy and having tantrums  Not wanting to go out or spend time with their friends Worrying about things that they’ve previously not mentioned Complaining about ‘not feeling well’ We’ve developed six top tips to help guide your child through times of change and help manage their anxie...

The mere thought of exams and tests can strike panic into our hearts and leave us feeling like we haven't done enough. Whatever the subject/s being revised, it can be hard to get the revision balance right. The closer the exams are, the more panicked people often become and there is a tendency to cram in as much revision as possible, however this is not usually beneficial. "There are a number of things students can do to help themselves in the run up to exams and tests," says Professor Ewan Gillon, clinical director of First Psychology Scotland.  "Learning to recognise the signs of stress and ways to manage the symptoms can be hugely beneficial."  "Often people get engrossed in their studies as the exams approach and feel the only way they can get a good result is to cram in as much information as possible. This can make them feel overwhelmed and can be counterproductive," says Professor Gillon.  Instead he advises on the importance of ha...

Christmas is often seen as a time for families. And whatever shape and size a family is there are often complex dynamics involved in interacting within the family unit. Whether we come from a family we perceive as 'happy' or not, being a parent is not easy. We often come to parenting with preconceived ideas about how parenting and families should be. Many people struggle to shake off negative experiences from their own upbringing, which can come to the fore when we find ourselves parenting. Often parenting is as much about what we don't want for our children as it is about what we want. And our partner may have different views from us, to further complicate things. Counselling Psychologist, Flora Maclay who works with many children and families at First Psychology's Edinburgh and Borders centres has been scouring some well known parenting books for some of her favourite parenting tips. Top parenting tips "Once finished, forget it" Children forget...

With Christmas Day approaching fast, the thought of spending time with your extended family may have started to make its way to the front of your mind. While we are bombarded with advertising images of happy families and couples enjoying the big day, in reality things are often not so rosy. While the thought of spending time with your siblings and their children, or you or your partner's parents may be idylic in your head, it may be that in reality they always seems to rub you up the wrong way and leave you feeling cross or upset. Read our tips to keeping your family on an even keel so nobody ends up in the dog house this Christmas! Parents and parents in-law "Parents can have a powerful effect on their grown up children. While we often look forward to spending time with our parents, being in their company for extended periods can lead to discussions and niggles coming to the fore," says Professor Ewan Gillon, Counselling Psychologist and Clinical Director of ...

We all know from our own childhood (and adult) experiences that being confident greatly improves our chances of happiness and success in life. So how can you tell if your child is confident and are you doing the right things to help boost their confidence and self-esteem? We look at three common myths about confidence in children. 1. Praise is always good right?  While it is true that praising your child is beneficial, overpraising is not. Tip: Think about how often and why you praise your child. Only praise them for real achievements and be specific about your reasons for praising them. 2. If my child can speak in class and make themselves heard, they are confident, aren't they? No, this is not necessarily the case at all. Children have different personalities and some children will be naturally quiet while others will be more outgoing. Tip: Look for other signs that your child is confident, such as them being able to express their needs and wishes in an assertive way....

Reading lots on social media today about the film 'Boyhood' due to its recent Oscar nominations. Boyhood is the ultimate film about a boy growing up - it was filmed over a 12 year period using the same actors throughout. This allows viewers to marvel at each and every change in the boy's appearance and character, as he grows up and reaches manhood. Of course, while the boy is really growing up during the film-making process, the film itself aims to represent the trials and tribulations of growing up.  We all know this comes with many highs and lows. There are birthdays and parties, holidays and new friendships, but there are also numerous instances of sadness, humiliation and loneliness along the way.  There is no doubt that while getting older is a beautiful and necessary process, it can be hard for children to go through the various stages of childhood and adolescence. We know this because we've all done it and no matter how happy your own childhood, l...

Today is the start of anti-bullying week, so we thought it a good time to talk about the subject of bulling and the impact it can have. What is bullying? Bullying is the act of belittling someone repeatedly through harassment, physical harm, demeaning speech or efforts to ostracise them. Bullying can takes many forms. The three main types being physical bullying, verbal bullying and cyber bullying. Anyone can potentially fall prey to a bully. It can happen in pre-school, primary school, secondary school and in the workplace. However it is most prevalent in the mid-teen years when children move from primary to secondary school. Long-term bullying can lead to low self-esteem, lack of confidence, trust issues, anxiety and depression and these effects may be continue to be experienced in the future as well as the present. Knowing how to spot the signs in others - particularly young people, who may feel they have no voice - is an important step to making things better. Common signs...

If the very thought of the school holidays fills you with dread then read on for some survival tips from our psychologists. 1. Make a plan: what do you need to do to have a great holiday? Try to plan ahead and look at options that allow you to spend time together, but also give the kids a chance to spend time with other kids. Include your kids in the planning stage by asking for their thoughts and integrating them into the family plans. And remember to have some rainy day options up your sleeve! Create a routine: during the school year, our days are highly structured. The holidays are a good time to loosen these routines and generally slow down, however both you and your kids will benefit from some kind of structure such as set play times and meal times. Spontaneity is great, but without any structure at all, kids can feel a bit lost and bored. Build up a support network: check with the kids’ school or nursery for a holiday programme. Community centres also sometimes offer activit...

As well as the media, another powerful influence on our body image results from the messages we receive from the people closest to us - our parents, siblings, friends, colleagues and teachers.  Our parents, in particular, can have a major impact on our body image. This concept has been labelled ‘thin-heritance’ and explores how we may model our parents' negative views of food, unhealthy dieting practices and negative attitudes towards their own or our bodies. This can negatively affect our own body image. In all our relationships, be it with a parent or partner, we seek acceptance and validation. So an offhand look when asking for a second helping may cause individuals to become dissatisfied with their bodies and increase their risk of developing an eating disorder such as anorexia nervosa or bulimia nervosa. Sometimes body image can also result from the relationship we have with ourselves and in particular, the qualities we possess. Individuals with the following traits are mor...

In the current climate, we are taking on more and working longer hours to keep our jobs and put food on the table, but at what cost to our family’s health? Research by the Temple’s Center for Obesity Research and Education has investigated this work/family conflict focusing on both parents’ employment status and those with adolescents in particular. Findings have revealed that parents who work full-time, compared to those who work part time or stay at home, have fewer family meals, are more likely to indulge in fast food as a family, spend less time on food preparation and are less likely to encourage their adolescents to eat healthily. The adolescents then in turn eat less fruit and vegetables. Regardless of employment status, the only difference between mothers and fathers was that men reported far less hours of food preparation than women. When considering the relationship between work and stress on our eating habits, it seems it can have a hugely negative impact on our children’s h...

From co-operation at work to co-operation at home, premarital cohabitation is a popular and growing trend since the 1970s in all countries except catholic ones. For many, it is seen as a trial run before tying the knot, but is it such a good idea seeing the divorce rate for couples who cohabit are higher, and living together as a couple before marriage in the USA before 2000, was associated with lower marital satisfaction, lower commitment among men, poorer communication, higher marital conflict and higher rates of wife infidelity. Some attribute this statistic to individuals having lower standards for those they are willing to live with than marry. A lot of couples live together for convenience, but it is inertia and the investment they have made which stop them from getting out or starting over again. This leads them to drift into marriage, rather than making a conscious decision to do so, which in turn, leads to disaster. Furthermore, 40% of couples who cohabit have children which...

Fatherhood for the vast majority of men is filled with joy and happiness. According to a study, conducted at Melbourne’s Parenting Research centre however, new dads are just as likely as new mums to suffer from the ‘baby blues’. The ‘baby blues’ describe a condition which includes symptoms of anxiety, worry, stress, feeling unable to cope, feeling blue and despairing that things won’t get better. Surprisingly, research published in the journal Social Psychiatry and Psychiatric Epidemiology revealed the rates of these problems were the same for both fathers and mothers with 9.7% of fathers reporting symptoms of post-natal depression in the child’s first year of life, compared to 9.4% for mothers. This risk of ‘baby blues’ in men also changed with age and income. The younger the father, the higher the risk and men on lower incomes were reported to be 70% more likely to experience post-natal depression. Furthermore, when they compared new fathers to childless men of a similar age and bac...