First Psychology blog

There’s a big difference between being alone and being lonely. In today’s digital world, it’s easy for people to feel alone – with friends and acquaintances constantly posting updates of their full social lives and all the fun they’re having. It’s important for us to get used to being alone from time to time for our own personal growth, as this Psychology Today article outlines - however being alone too often, especially when it’s not done out of choice, can sometimes lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness Loneliness is the feeling of sadness that arises when we feel we have no friends or company to interact with. It’s not just about being alone either. It is possible to feel lonely in a room full of people, if we feel that the people we’re with do not care about us, value our input or understand how we’re feeling. It’s natural to feel lonely from time to time. This is absolutely normal. It can happen when we move house, change jobs or schools, or have to attend events or f...

It’s October. The frivolity of Fresher’s week is over and college students all across Scotland are knuckling down to their studies. If you’re the parent of a young person who has just set off on their university adventure you may well be feeling a range of emotions, as the reality of their departure sets in. It’s common to feel at a bit of a loss when you eventually get the house back to yourself. Your home – once a noisy hub of activity – can seem very quiet and still once your children have moved on; and the relief and excitement of getting your space back can soon be replaced with boredom, loneliness and sadness if you don’t find meaningful ways of occupying your time. Empty nest syndrome is often described as a feeling of grief that people experience once their children have left home. Parents who have spent every waking hour thinking about the needs of others can feel very vulnerable and worthless after that role is taken away from them and this can sometimes lead to relationshi...

It’s all too easy to get bogged down in the hustle and bustle of daily life and lose sight of what’s important in our quest to get through each day. With World Gratitude Day just around the corner on 21st September, we take a look at how we can practise thankfulness and the benefits of doing do. Every little helps Being thankful is not just about celebrating the big successes. Gratitude is about recognising and appreciating even the smallest of things in life – like nature and changes in the weather. Throughout the day, take the time to acknowledge the little milestones and victories that you experience. Find gratitude in your challenges Thankfulness can also be found in the challenges we have faced; they have after all shaped who we are today. Even in the darkest of situations there is usually something we can be grateful for. Spending some time to review negative or difficult situations from the past can help us identify the elements of our lives that we are truly thankful for. ...

Finding it hard to fit reading into your day? Well as difficult as it may seem to find the time to read during the course of a busy day, a recent large-scale study shows that reading really is good for us – increasing self-esteem and reducing stress. So, apart from the obvious educational benefits, what is it about reading that makes it so beneficial and how can we carve time out of our busy schedules to pick up a book or two? An aid to anxiety No matter how stressed out you feel, the act of reading will help you relax, regulate your breathing and reduce any tension in your muscles. And they’re just the physical benefits. Mentally, reading helps to focus our thinking, reduce the 'noise' and promote mindfulness. You have to be ‘present’ to read and often the very fact that you’ve removed yourself away from the source of your stress or anxiety through doing something else is enough to calm you down. A way to expand your empathy for others Reading fiction is a grea...

So you've got Black Friday and Cyber Monday out of the way and still scratching your head about what to buy for your nearest and dearest? If you need some pointers on how to obtain the perfect gift, then read on... According to recent research carried out on behalf of the department store Debenhams by Professor Karen Pine, we can get it right every time if we apply some basic principles to the gift buying process. Listen The first step to getting a gift that fits the bill is to really listen to the messages the recipient is giving you. People often give out information about their likes and dislikes without realising, for example, they may often say how cold they feel, or that a band is playing nearby, or they may be talking about the great gift they are going to buy for someone else and why. These are all clues (some more subtle than others) about what they may like themselves. Observe In addition to listening, really watch what makes the recipient happy. Which website...

Winter is well and truly here… It’s the time of year when the nights get darker and we all – introvert and extraverts alike - tend to lock ourselves away much earlier than we would during the summer months. Spending time by ourselves is something many of us will need to be more comfortable with over the winter, so we’ve developed some top tips to help you embrace the solitude and be your own BFF! Learn how to talk to yourself – and listen It doesn’t have to be out loud, it’s about getting used to the voices in your head. In the absence of other people and their opinions, we have only our inner voice. We should listen to it, more. It is only by searching within ourselves that we can truly establish what we want and need. Yours is the only advice you need follow. The key is to keep it positive. Everyone has their inner demons, it’s time to nurture positivity and negate your own negative vibes. You count, your opinion matters. You are enough. Celebrate your solitude Place value...

It is Depression Awareness Week this week and everyone will be familiar with the term 'depression' being used in everyday conversation to describe someone who is feeling miserable, but what really constitutes depression and how can you tell the difference between low mood and depression? What is depression? Someone who is suffering from depression will not simply feel a little bit down for a few weeks, they will experience low mood, loss of interest or enjoyment in activities, and low self-esteem over a prolonged period of time. They may find it hard to deal with daily life and may not feel able to cope with day-to-day activities. Common symptoms of depression  There are many different symptoms associated with depression including: Changes in feelings: feeling agitated, irritated or angry; feeling worthless or helpless; low confidence; guilt; feeling you have lost control of your life; and suicidal thoughts. Changes in behaviour: increased aggression towards other...

Deciding a relationship is over is one of the hardest things to do. You may feel torn, remembering once happy times while also feeling sad about how things are at present. In addition, when children and shared assets are involved, things can be very complicated.  Unfortunately, there is no sure way to tell your relationship is over and no-one can make that decision but you, however the following questions may help you decide whether you want to put in the effort to make things better or end the relationship and move on. 1. Ask yourself, in your heart of hearts, is your partner the right person for you? 2. Does your partner make you a better person? 3. Are you afraid of losing your partner more than you're afraid of the break-up process. 4. Think about why you fell in love with your partner in the first place, are those reasons still enough? 5. Imagine yourself in ten years' time, do you see your partner with you? 6. Again, imagine your future self, do you think you would reg...

Infidelity is when a partner breaks the expectations of exclusivity upheld by the relationship. However, what constitutes 'cheating' varies between cultures and types of relationships and is not necessarily physical. Figures suggest that roughly 30-40% of those in a marriage or a long-term relationship break these expectations at some point, and so is a something many of us will deal with. Immediately after the affair you are likely to feel hurt, angry and betrayed. It may seem like you'll never get past it, and many may not want to try. However, if you want to continue with the relationship here are some tips that may help get you through. Be prepared! Deciding to stay with your partner is only the first step. Make sure you are both prepared to work hard and fight for the relationship.  Take some time off or get away for a few days. This time and space can give you clarity to figure out what you truly want.  Understand the cause of the affair. Although, there is no e...

Today is 'self-injury awareness day' which aims to bring attention to the issue of self-harm. Tackling the issue today could be the first step in stopping someone, or yourself, self-harming for good. Self-harming is when somebody deliberately hurts themselves (through cutting, bruising, burning or other methods) in order to help deal with any emotional pain they might be experiencing. We often associate it with teenage girls, but it occurs in men and women of all ages and the UK has the one of the highest self-harm rates in Europe. For many, it is a way to release emotions when they are feeling numb and can be an immense relief, but the behaviour can quickly become addictive and in the long term causes a great deal of psychological trauma. Many people wrongly believe those who self-harm are trying to get attention, but in fact most people desperately try to hide their behaviour. However there are crucial signs to look out for if you suspect a loved one may be self-harming, alth...

Valentine’s Day is fast approaching and it may seem as if we are surrounded by inflatable hearts and smug couples. The 14th of February is a day to celebrate love with our partner. However, for many couples it can shine an all too harsh (albeit red hued) light on a broken relationship. The biggest problems couples face can be the result of poor communication and so in order to have a great Valentine’s day and improve your relationship follow these simple tips. Discuss issues before they turn into problems. Many issues are not discussed until they suddenly become overwhelming and may be unresolvable. It is therefore very important to calmly discuss problems when they first arise in order to stop them spiralling out of control.  Share your views. We are sociable beings and enjoy talking about our feelings, hopes and aspirations but if our partner is unwilling to listen or share their own thoughts it can become frustrating. Set aside time to talk and agree not to be critical of one ...

Whether we’re a workaholic, an employee, unemployed or a full-time parent, we all experience stress in varying degrees and we all deserve a break from time to time. Even the Prime Minister takes time off for recess during the summer and although some think this isn’t justified, he's probably doing the right thing. When we’re stressed, we’re more likely to become ill because our body is less able to avoid injury and fight infection. We may not sleep or digest our food as well and our memory and ability to make decisions may worsen. We may also become irritable, depressed and anxious. Holidays can help us de-stress. Indeed, research in Canada has revealed active pastimes, such as holidays and golf, helped almost 900 lawyers guard against or improve job stress. Holidays allow us time to rest and recuperate, to broaden our horizons, to gain a new perspective, to promote peace and understanding and to learn. Researchers at Purdue University have also found they promote positive bonding,...

As summer is now in full swing, most of us will have had or be looking forward to a well-deserved break. We may joke when people can’t leave work at work, but there are some people who are compelled to work and do so excessively. These individuals are known as ‘workaholics’, but is it really possible to be addicted to work? According to researchers from Norway and the UK the answer is yes, and they have even gone so far as to develop an instrument to measure work addiction which they have called The Bergen Work Addiction Scale. This scale, which appears in the Scandinavian Journal of Psychology , uses elements of addictions that are recognised as diagnostic criteria. It is hardly surprising to learn that work addiction is on the rise, particularly considering the current climate, the new technology we have at our disposal and our lack of ability to switch off and separate our work from our home life. What might alarm us, however, is the association between work addiction and stress/bur...

Life can sometimes feel like groundhog day - get up, go to work, come home, watch TV and then go to bed. As we grow up, we neglect our playful side and the many activities we once enjoyed. We often find ourselves cruising through life on autopilot. With the holidays nearly here however and perhaps a little more time on our hands, there is no better time to unlock our creativity and bring some joy back to our lives. Here are some tips suggested by Allison Arden, author of The Book of Doing: Everyday Activities to Unlock Your Creativity and Joy . List three activities you enjoyed as a child and start doing them.  Read biographies of people who’ve inspired you.  Sketch pictures of people and objects everyday – sitting still for a while may allow you to see things from a new perspective.  Train for something – this could be anything from a marathon to a bike-a-thon. Starting gradually and building up to something slowly can make you feel competent and empowered. ...

Positive psychology is a growing field of study and as such, there is a wealth of research revealing ways to live longer, healthier and happier lives. Here are some interesting findings on happiness. Happiness has its roots in our genes – although 50% of our happiness is created by external factors such as relationships, health and work, research conducted at the University of Edinburgh and Queensland Institute has found happiness is partly determined by our personality. They also found that personality and happiness are, by and large, hereditary. People with certain types of personality are happier – using a framework called the Five-Factor Model to rate participants' personalities, the research above also discovered people who are sociable, conscientious and do not excessively worry tend to be happier. There are six variables that predict happiness – various research has revealed positive self-esteem, perceived sense of control, extroversion, optimism, positive relations...

How many times have you driven somewhere to arrive without remembering anything about the journey? Quite often probably, because our lives are so busy and we have so many conflicting demands to juggle that we often go on automatic pilot to cope. In doing so, we lose awareness of the present moment. Our last blog discussed the idea of happiness in relation to a balanced time perspective, but the founder of modern day Mindfulness, Jon Kabat Zinn, suggests the key to well-being and happiness is to be more present in our own lives. He reasons we are too easily distracted by thoughts of the past and the future that we are too self-critical and fail to notice the good things happening around us. Mindfulness involves paying attention to our thoughts, feelings and sensations in the present moment in a non-judgmental and purposeful way which allows us to step back from our automatic responses to everyday events and see things how they really are. In doing so, it is believed we can improve our q...

The theme for this year's International Day of Families, which is celebrated globally on 15 May, is ‘Ensuring a work family balance’. In the first of two blogs on the topic, we are going to examine how to get the work part of this balance right. Work, however much you enjoy it, can have a nasty habit of coming home with you like an uninvited guest and robbing your loved ones of quality time. Below are some tips on how to leave work at work: Release nagging, work-related thoughts – acknowledge your thoughts, notice if there is anything deeper behind them, label your thoughts (write them down if it helps) and then let them go. Begin and end the process by focusing on your breath and the sounds you hear.  Unravel like a thread from your job-related stress – imagine you're unwinding your list of worries, distancing yourself from any nagging thoughts about outstanding work, and freeing yourself from these thoughts with each rotation of the spool. Today there is no work, but tomo...

Many of us like to treat ourselves when we feel down in a bid to make ourselves happy. As discussed in the previous blog however, people in Costa Rica are shown to be happy on far fewer resources than most of us consume. In the current climate with unemployment rising and anti-depressants at an all-time high, it is no wonder we struggle to be happy. But are our expectations of happiness too high? According to Greek mythology, ancient Egypt and cultures throughout the Mediterranean before and after Christ, happiness is, in fact, a miracle. Indeed, this is reflected in Indo-European languages in which the words ‘luck’ and ‘fate’ are equivalent to that of ‘happiness’. In English, the root of happiness derives from the Middle English and Old Norse ‘happ’, which means chance and fortune and appears in words such as ‘perhaps’ and ‘happens.’ In Spanish and Portuguese the words ‘felicidad’ and ’felicidade’ stem from the latin word ‘felix’, which means luck, and fate. Furthermore, the word ...

In celebration of St Valentines day, here at First Psychology Scotland we are looking at how to cultivate a love that endures. Love is often portrayed as a complicated concept but it is, in fact, very simple. It is a decision we make to give to another person, rather than just how we feel. Here are some of the ways we can give to maintain our love. Maintain positive illusions  According to Marcel Zentner at the University of Geneva, “men and women who continue to maintain their partner is attractive, funny, kind, and ideal for them in just about every way remain content with each other”. As relationships endure it is easy to criticise your partners behaviour rather than valuing them and their unique qualities, particularly during difficult times when strain is put on the relationship. Learn forgiveness  We are often more forgiving of those we hardly know, why is this? In order for love to grow and last, we must learn to be more forgiving of those we love. Boost your oxyt...

They say love and hate aren’t poles apart, but is this really true? Relationships can be hard and although we may love our partners greatly, some of our actions, unintentionally or otherwise, may have disturbing motives. For example: Making your partner grateful and dependent by dominating them Hiding aggression by showering your partner with gifts or thoughtful gestures Fear of loss or betrayal and constantly texting and phoning your partner Our actions - however well meaning - can hide selfish intentions and be problematic, particularly if your partner is aware of them as this can make them feel emotionally blackmailed. It is important to recognise that sometimes love is more about maintaining the right distance than what we can give. By getting a balance, we are able to nourish and care for ourselves emotionally which in turn, makes us less needy. If our self-esteem is low, it is best to resolve these issues on our own rather than expecting our partners to make us feel bette...