First Psychology blog

“You should go to therapy” can often feel like a punch in the gut. Often articles on this topic look at things from the perspective of the individual who wants their partner to go, but what if you’re on the receiving end?  It might leave you feeling defensive, confused, or even hurt, especially if it comes at the end of a difficult argument. You might wonder: why do they think I need therapy? You might think it’s a sign of deeper problems in your relationship. These feelings are valid and common, but it’s also an opportunity to reflect and engage in meaningful dialogue—both with yourself and your partner. If your partner has expressed this request, navigating it with openness and curiosity can strengthen your relationship and offer an opportunity for self-reflection. Here are some steps to help you approach this. 1. Pause and reflect Your initial reaction might be to feel defensive, but take a moment. Therapy is not a judgment or a sign of failure. Often, a partner’s suggestion com...

The line between innocent flirtation and romantic betrayal is often elastic with many couples conflicted because their partner does not share the same definition of cheating as them. Being unfaithful in a marriage often results in separation and devastation. However, while recovery is possible, it’s a challenging journey that requires commitment, vulnerability, and patience from both partners. Why do affairs happen? There are endless reasons why someone chooses to be unfaithful to their partner. Some of the more common ones include: Lack of affection Feeling neglected Falling out of love Low self esteem Breakdown of communication between partners Mental health issues such as depression or anxiety Physical health issues such as disability Major life changes such as having a child Stressful periods such as losing your job While cheating often happens due to problems in the relationship, it is also not uncommon for those in amazing and healthy marriages to fall victim to cheating. A happy...

Tough conversations are part of daily life. They may include conflict with loved ones to debates with colleagues. While these conversations may be challenging, they offer an opportunity for growth and deeper understanding. However, navigating tough conversations can be emotionally draining and can negatively impact our mental wellbeing. The good news is that there are a number of strategies you can use to help approach difficult conversations with empathy and openness while remaining kind to yourself.  Use empathy as a foundation Empathy is crucial when engaging in tough conversations. It allows us to understand and relate to the emotions and perspectives of others. Before entering into any difficult discussion, it’s essential to think about how things may be from the other person's perspective. This helps us gain insight into their thoughts and feelings, allowing for a more constructive and compassionate conversation. A study released by Ohio State University says: “Focusing on b...

Relationships with parents or caregivers can be complex and families come in many different shapes and sizes. The idea of a traditional, nuclear family is no longer relevant in today’s society. However you were raised and whoever provided care for you is still integral to your future and personal identity so it’s important to understand your relationship and how it can be improved. Firstly, you might want to ask yourself the following questions to gain clarity on whether you have a healthy or unhealthy relationship and if it needs to improve: Can you talk openly with your parents without fear of judgement? Do you feel that your parents are controlling? Do you feel loved? As we become adults, our relationships with our parents can change, possibly because they don’t have as much control as they once did, and sometimes this can put a strain on our bond. The importance of a healthy relationship The relationships we have with our parents are some of the most important and influential that ...

Most of you will have experienced a breakup at some time in your life and whether the relationship was long or short term, it can be traumatic and upsetting if you were heavily invested in the person. Even if the breakup was amicable, you might need to seek closure before you can begin to heal and move on from the experience. What is closure? Although you might be searching for closure following a breakup, you might not know how this can be achieved to deal with your emotional trauma. So, what is closure? According to Very Well Mind , closure of a relationship is “having a sense of understanding, peace, and accepted finality of the relationship whether it’s ended because of loss, rejection, or growing apart.” In short, it allows you to come to terms with the breakup, work through your emotions and move on. Why do we need closure? When a relationship ends, it’s likely you will feel lots of negative emotions, which can impact your mental wellbeing if they aren’t managed properly. Some of...

While relationships can bring a lot of happiness and have many positive aspects, sometimes we become so consumed in love that we lose a part of ourselves. The moment we feel like our personality is being compromised, it can make us fear that we're losing our identity. Often we devote so much of our time and energy into one person, we start to neglect things/people that have always been important to us – things that make us who we are. For example, have you stopped a hobby or sport that you loved, or do you spend less time with close friends? It's natural for relationships to evolve and change over time, and sometimes the parts of the relationship that we enjoyed suddenly dissolve. You might find there are fewer date nights and more nights spent in front of the TV arguing over household chores. All of these factors can make us feel stressed, angry or resentful, which can put an enormous strain on our emotional wellbeing not to mention our relationship. One of the main problems...

Whether you’ve been cheated on by a previous partner, someone has lied to you, or a close friend has let you down with something that was really important to you, placing your trust in a person can be nerve-raking and nigh on impossible for some. Much of the time the reason we are scared to trust people is because of past experiences and remembering the hurt that it caused us at the time. These old wounds can have an impact on our mental health as they can bring insecurities to the surface and cause unnecessary worry. So, it’s important to not only deal with any underlying issues but to move on and not let it taint future expectations. After all, trust is a conscious choice that we make. When we place our trust in a person, there will always be an element of risk involved knowing that we could get hurt again, however, we could also reap immense rewards. Ways to learn to trust To master the art of trust, we must first do some work on ourselves. One of the best ways to do this is to look...

None of us can survive alone in the world. We all need someone to love and cherish us. Take some time today to nurture your relationship with a partner or to work on supporting future relationships. According to Dr Arthur Aron, psychology professor at the University of New York’s Interpersonal Relationships Laboratory, the way to rekindle some of the sparks from the earlier stages of your relationship is to do something new and different together. Dr Aron says that couples who share new experiences report greater happiness in their marriage than those who simply share familiar experiences. So if you’re at a loose end today, think of something new to do together and start rekindling those sparks! And if you’re single at the moment, plan to take up a new hobby – join a club or society or take some lessons. Shared interests are vital in new relationships! Download our FREE relationships booklet (pdf) > Read more about improving your relationship in this New York Times article >

How many times have you second guessed someone’s intentions only to find that you were way off the mark? This is something many of us do on a regular basis without considering the consequences beforehand. Usually when we’re second guessing, it’s because we’re not aware of all the facts – and the negative chatter in our heads instantly assumes the worst. For example, a work colleague may have told you that she liked what you were wearing. To most people, this would be taken as a compliment, but you might think they were being sarcastic and making fun of you. Not only can this cause an unnecessary argument with the person if you were to verbalise your suspicion, but if you didn’t express your thoughts, negative feelings such as hurt or anger could start to affect your mental wellbeing over time. One of the main problems with thinking negative thoughts is that we don’t question them. When these kinds of thoughts go unresolved, it can affect our mood and lead to issues such as anxiety an...

Being in love is a wonderful thing but there are times when being in a relationship can make us feel as though we’ve lost a part of our identity. It’s important to recognise when this happens to prevent any feelings of resentment and to protect our mental wellbeing. When we neglect ourselves and sacrifice too much in a relationship, it can seriously harm our mental health and we might start to feel anxious, stressed or depressed. Signs you might be losing your identity You feel like you can’t be yourself all the time You feel drained You stop socialising with friends You neglect your hobbies and interests You feel insecure about your appearance You dress for your partner not for yourself You make too many sacrifices You’re afraid to be open with your thoughts for the fear of causing an argument You stop chasing your dreams To make a relationship work, it’s vital that you stop neglecting your own desires and the things that make you happy. Remember, your opinion, feeling...