First Psychology blog

The line between innocent flirtation and romantic betrayal is often elastic with many couples conflicted because their partner does not share the same definition of cheating as them. Being unfaithful in a marriage often results in separation and devastation. However, while recovery is possible, it’s a challenging journey that requires commitment, vulnerability, and patience from both partners. Why do affairs happen? There are endless reasons why someone chooses to be unfaithful to their partner. Some of the more common ones include: Lack of affection Feeling neglected Falling out of love Low self esteem Breakdown of communication between partners Mental health issues such as depression or anxiety Physical health issues such as disability Major life changes such as having a child Stressful periods such as losing your job While cheating often happens due to problems in the relationship, it is also not uncommon for those in amazing and healthy marriages to fall victim to cheating. A happy...

Most of you will have experienced a breakup at some time in your life and whether the relationship was long or short term, it can be traumatic and upsetting if you were heavily invested in the person. Even if the breakup was amicable, you might need to seek closure before you can begin to heal and move on from the experience. What is closure? Although you might be searching for closure following a breakup, you might not know how this can be achieved to deal with your emotional trauma. So, what is closure? According to Very Well Mind , closure of a relationship is “having a sense of understanding, peace, and accepted finality of the relationship whether it’s ended because of loss, rejection, or growing apart.” In short, it allows you to come to terms with the breakup, work through your emotions and move on. Why do we need closure? When a relationship ends, it’s likely you will feel lots of negative emotions, which can impact your mental wellbeing if they aren’t managed properly. Some of...

While relationships can bring a lot of happiness and have many positive aspects, sometimes we become so consumed in love that we lose a part of ourselves. The moment we feel like our personality is being compromised, it can make us fear that we're losing our identity. Often we devote so much of our time and energy into one person, we start to neglect things/people that have always been important to us – things that make us who we are. For example, have you stopped a hobby or sport that you loved, or do you spend less time with close friends? It's natural for relationships to evolve and change over time, and sometimes the parts of the relationship that we enjoyed suddenly dissolve. You might find there are fewer date nights and more nights spent in front of the TV arguing over household chores. All of these factors can make us feel stressed, angry or resentful, which can put an enormous strain on our emotional wellbeing not to mention our relationship. One of the main problems...

Whether you’ve been cheated on by a previous partner, someone has lied to you, or a close friend has let you down with something that was really important to you, placing your trust in a person can be nerve-raking and nigh on impossible for some. Much of the time the reason we are scared to trust people is because of past experiences and remembering the hurt that it caused us at the time. These old wounds can have an impact on our mental health as they can bring insecurities to the surface and cause unnecessary worry. So, it’s important to not only deal with any underlying issues but to move on and not let it taint future expectations. After all, trust is a conscious choice that we make. When we place our trust in a person, there will always be an element of risk involved knowing that we could get hurt again, however, we could also reap immense rewards. Ways to learn to trust To master the art of trust, we must first do some work on ourselves. One of the best ways to do this is to look...

None of us can survive alone in the world. We all need someone to love and cherish us. Take some time today to nurture your relationship with a partner or to work on supporting future relationships. According to Dr Arthur Aron, psychology professor at the University of New York’s Interpersonal Relationships Laboratory, the way to rekindle some of the sparks from the earlier stages of your relationship is to do something new and different together. Dr Aron says that couples who share new experiences report greater happiness in their marriage than those who simply share familiar experiences. So if you’re at a loose end today, think of something new to do together and start rekindling those sparks! And if you’re single at the moment, plan to take up a new hobby – join a club or society or take some lessons. Shared interests are vital in new relationships! Download our FREE relationships booklet (pdf) > Read more about improving your relationship in this New York Times article >

Whether it’s with your partner, a family member, or friend, arguments are never a pleasant experience and can cause a great deal of negative emotions such as sadness, anger and stress, to both parties involved. From time to time, there will be occasions when we get caught up in disagreements and sometimes hurtful things get said in the heat of the moment. So, one or both of you maybe lost your temper and walked away without resolving the argument. At some point in our lives, we’re all going to be faced with arguments and it’s only natural for this to happen. But it’s how we deal with the aftermath that's really significant and can determine our future relationship with the person. Calm down! Immediately following an argument, our emotions are likely to be running high and our heads are filled with what they said and what we said. Before we can even begin to build bridges, we need time to cool down and let our emotions settle. The best way we can do this is by spending some time a...

It’s almost inevitable in long-term relationships that the elusive spark you once had will start to flicker at some point. That initial excitement, feeling of butterflies and insatiable passion you felt in the beginning will begin to fade, but that doesn’t necessarily have to be the case. In order to keep the spark alive in your relationship, it takes a conscious effort from both sides. The pressures of work, money and children can all be contributing factors and we may have fallen into familiar habits that can lead to a lack of romance and intimacy in a relationship. The good news is, there are many ways we can re-ignite that spark and fall in love all over again. And what better day than National Kissing Day  to explore them. Communication is key Talking with your partner on a regular basis creates a strong bond and emotional connection. It’s important to express our thoughts and feelings to break down barriers and prevent any resentment from building up over time. Commu...

Valentine’s Day is fast approaching. It’s a day for romance and for spending time with those we love. Often though, Valentine’s Day pushes us to reflect on our romantic relationships to assess how we’re ‘measuring up’ to the other couples we see. Unfortunately, social media gives us some unrealistic expectations about what relationships should be like. No relationship is perfect. That said, there are a number of signs to look out for that could indicate your relationship is really not healthy. We’ve picked out some of the main indicators: Passive aggressive behaviour The best relationships are based on honesty and openness. You should never be afraid to say what you think – and you should afford your partner the freedom to do the same. If you can sense that all is not well with your partner – or you’re being given the silent treatment – but are met with responses such as “I’m fine” or “Nothing” when you probe, that’s passive aggression. How can we make things right, if we don’t kno...

Relationships are be hard work. They’re something we have to work on every day if they're to survive the highs and lows that life will undoubtedly throw our way. In a  previous post , we took a look at some common relationship difficulties and it is unsurprising that many of us will have experienced at least one of these over the Christmas holiday break. It a full-on season, with lots of socialising and present buying, not to mention the expectation that everyone should be happy and jolly all the time. However, for many couples these holiday rituals bring money and time pressures that we don’t experience the rest of the year. This can put a strain on relationships that we often need to repair during January. We’ve come up with a few quick and simple relationship tips, designed to help you reconnect with each other after the Christmas break and enrich the time you spend together as a couple. Make it a habit Relationships thrive on routines. After all the extra-curricular and...

It’s the most wonderful time of the year – but for many of us, it’s also the time when we do lots of things for other people and can easily lose sight of what is good for us and our closest friends and family. As we are pulled in different directions and have many things to do, what is meant to be valuable family time can get railroaded, leaving us feeling stressed and short tempered. So what can we do to avoid Christmas burnout and ensure that we spend quality time with our nearest and dearest over the festive period? Set time aside to share At no other point in the year is a calendar more important than December. There are places to be, things to do and the demands on our time are all encompassing. Make sure that you schedule in quality time with your family. We don’t mean sat in front of the TV (though you can schedule time in for that too!). We really mean being mindful about how you spend your time together. Even in very close families, Christmas will mean different things for e...

Every day our practitioners work with people dealing with anxiety, stress, anger and phobias; issues with their families, children or young people; relationship difficulties; and many other issues and problems. We asked them for their recommendations for books that may be helpful when dealing with such issues. Here are their suggestions. We will update with more books throughout the day! Books on anxiety, stress and phobias The Triune Brain in Evolution: Role in Paleocerebral Functions, 1990, by Paul D MacLean (Recommended by R. Victor Morton, Senior CBT Psychotherapist) The Mindfulness and Acceptance Workbook for Anxiety: A Guide to Breaking Free From Anxiety, Phobias, and Worry Using Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, 2016, by John P. Forsyth and Georg H. Eifert (Recommended by Tasim Martin-Berg, Consultant Counselling Psychologist) Full Catastrophe Living, Revised Edition: How to cope with stress, pain and illness using mindfulness meditation, 2013, by Jon Ka...

Forgiveness is about putting aside old differences, moving beyond past grievances and starting afresh. Psychologist Bob Enright pioneered the study of forgiveness. He believes that true forgiveness is the offering of empathy, compassion and understanding (towards the person who has hurt you). Research has shown that forgiveness is linked to positive outcomes such as reduced anxiety and depression. Holding on to feelings of anger and resentment can be stressful and when we are able to let this go, our muscles relax, anxiety levels decrease, and we have more energy to focus on the more positive aspects of our lives. Forgiveness can be especially relevant in relationships, where things like betrayal and resentment can often occur. Psychologists have developed a 20-step system to move people through the phases of forgiveness, however there are also self-directed steps that can be taken to get there: 1. Write it down Let it all out. Why are you upset and who are you upset with? G...

Ah, remember the days when you and your partner first met? The butterflies in your stomach and excitement at the very thought of seeing them again. The longer our relationships go on for, the harder it can be to maintain the same level of exhilaration that we experienced when we first met. It’s not impossible though – all it takes is a bit of time and effort, along with a commitment from both of you to keep the spark alive. We’ve already talked about the secrets of lasting love but it’s no secret that these top tips will go a long way towards helping you re-light the fire within your relationships. Be selfless As we grow older our interests change. Make a promise to yourself to find out what makes your partner tick and spend more time doing it with them. Remember when you first met and you’d spend hours finding out what made your partner happy? And be prepared to share more information about your current interests with your partner too. Individuals grow and evolve, don’t leave your ...

We'll soon be into June and prime wedding season, but sadly not every relationship has a happy ending. Sometimes people grow apart by mutual consent, sometimes it is one party that chooses to move on while the other would happily stay together. When a relationship ends, there are a number of emotions that we go through – especially if the break-up was unexpected / unwanted. This article from Psychology Today suggests there are seven stages to getting over a relationship which includes the grieving process, so it’s little surprise that most of us could do with extra support when a valued relationship comes to an end. We've pulled together some things to remember if you’re going through a break-up: It’s OK to not be OK (for a while) Relationships take time and effort and chances are you will have invested a lot of energy and emotion into your partnership. When someone you love is no longer around – for whatever reason – even if you are the one that finished things, it’s onl...

With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, many of us are thinking of ways to demonstrate our love and dedication to those closest to us. But what happens after Valentine’s Day? Will your loved ones have to wait another twelve months before your next declaration of affection and appreciation? Don’t worry, help is at hand! We’ve come up with some simple guidance to help you show people you love them all year round – not just on 14 February. Relationships are important, they help us grow and contribute to our confidence and feelings of self-worth – so let’s take the time to nurture them. Every little helps Valentine’s Day may be the time for grand gestures, but throughout the year most couples find it’s the little things that matter. With busy schedules and lots of people juggling home and work life, couples can soon fall into bad habits and start to take each other for granted. As this article shows, it’s those small, thoughtful acts of love that will help you avoid this. Taking ...

Next week it’s Valentine’s Day. The day when we shower our loved ones with cards and gifts to show them just how much they mean to us. It’s really important to tell other people that we love and appreciate them and, in today’s busy world, sometimes we need a nudge! However, romance is for all year round – not just for Valentine’s Day – so here are our top four fabulous ways to keep the romance alive every day. Show your appreciation It’s the little things that matter – rather than the grand gestures – when you have been together for some time. Very often couples fall into the trap of taking each other for granted and forget what their lives were like before they met. Sometimes taking the time to remind your partner that you're glad they're there is all your relationship needs to keep the romantic feelings alive. An unexpected text message or a note in a workbag or under your partner’s pillow are little ways to show that you're thinking about them – and that makes...

After a cosy, family-oriented festive season, January can sometimes fall a little flat. Often the pressure of holding it all together over the holidays can impact on our personal relationships in the New Year – add to that the miserable weather and it’s easy to see why we need to spend more time nurturing our relationships with those we hold dear. For us, January is about two things relationship-wise: taking the time to build trust with your partner and understanding the impact that the weather can have on your mood. When there’s trust in a relationship you know that whatever bickers and squabbles the winter months bring, it won’t impact on your relationship in the longer term. You can build trust in a number of ways: Building boundaries Having clear boundaries together is a crucial part of building trust. Boundaries can be about all kinds of things, including how much time you need to yourself. If you find the need to spend more time alone during the winter, be open with your pa...

Did you know that the average couple spends only 150 minutes together each day? This can be roughly broken down into 55 minutes watching television, 30 minutes eating, 24 minutes carrying out housework and 16 minutes on a social life! It’s no surprise then, that relationships can become strained over the holidays when we spend much more time together than we’re used to. We’ve developed some tips for keeping your relationships positive and productive during the summer, so that by the end of the holidays you’ll be stronger than ever. Me time Just because you’re on your holidays doesn’t mean you have to live in each other’s pockets. It’s not selfish to build a bit of ‘you time’ into your holidays – in fact, it’s necessary for us all to nourish our souls so that we can give our best to others. Make sure you give yourself time to be by yourself during your holidays – and encourage your partner to do the same. Take a bath, read a book, listen to some music… Just a short period of tim...

We know from the questions we're asked that many people find the different types of psychological therapy confusing. So we thought we'd give a brief summary of each type of therapy. Counselling Counselling is a popular therapy that involves talking to a trained practitioner about your problems and issues. It provides a safe place to talk about and think about your thoughts and feelings with someone outside of your social circle. Counselling is usually a short-term therapy and typically lasts from six to twelve sessions. More about counselling > Psychotherapy Psychotherapy, like counselling, involves talking about problems and difficulties. However it is a more in-depth process which involves looking at your life as a whole rather than looking at specific problems. Psychotherapy provides a regular space for clients to talk about how they are and to work through patterns and issues they find difficult. One popular type of psychotherapy is IPT or interpersonal therapy,...