First Psychology blog

Childhood wounds aren’t necessarily just caused by one major trauma in our lives, they may have arisen due to ongoing upset from a family member or classmate. Perhaps you were bullied physically or mentally, you suffered from emotional neglect, or had a serious medical condition. Whatever trauma you experienced, it's imperative to heal young wounds in order to live a happy and healthy adult life. Research published on Jama Network says that: "Childhood trauma exposure is a normative experience, statistically speaking, that affects the majority of children at some point and subsequently has the potential to influence many aspects of functioning.  This study suggests that these effects are longstanding – lasting 20 or more years..." Ways that childhood wounds can affect adulthood Depending on how long you have lived with the scars of a traumatic childhood, you might not be aware of the full impact it has had on your behaviour and overall mental wellbeing. As the years pass...

There are many different mental health disorders that young children might have to deal with in their lives and, although each might need addressing slightly differently, there are some common ways to help your child cope. Communication One of the best ways to help your child cope with mental health issues is by communicating openly with them at all times. By showing your child respect and by being able to communicate honestly, you are allowing them the opportunity to discuss their feelings in a safe environment where they feel loved and unjudged. Even without facing a mental health issue, growing up can often be difficult for children as they are learning about themselves and discovering their identity in the world. When we share our experiences with our children and discuss how we have dealt with similar issues, it can make them feel less alone and more comfortable to speak about their own feelings. Ask for help Because there are many different mental health issues, inc...

Christmas is often seen as a time for families. And whatever shape and size a family is there are often complex dynamics involved in interacting within the family unit. Whether we come from a family we perceive as 'happy' or not, being a parent is not easy. We often come to parenting with preconceived ideas about how parenting and families should be. Many people struggle to shake off negative experiences from their own upbringing, which can come to the fore when we find ourselves parenting. Often parenting is as much about what we don't want for our children as it is about what we want. And our partner may have different views from us, to further complicate things. Counselling Psychologist, Flora Maclay who works with many children and families at First Psychology's Edinburgh and Borders centres has been scouring some well known parenting books for some of her favourite parenting tips. Top parenting tips "Once finished, forget it" Children forget...

We know from the questions we're asked that many people find the different types of psychological therapy confusing. So we thought we'd give a brief summary of each type of therapy. Counselling Counselling is a popular therapy that involves talking to a trained practitioner about your problems and issues. It provides a safe place to talk about and think about your thoughts and feelings with someone outside of your social circle. Counselling is usually a short-term therapy and typically lasts from six to twelve sessions. More about counselling > Psychotherapy Psychotherapy, like counselling, involves talking about problems and difficulties. However it is a more in-depth process which involves looking at your life as a whole rather than looking at specific problems. Psychotherapy provides a regular space for clients to talk about how they are and to work through patterns and issues they find difficult. One popular type of psychotherapy is IPT or interpersonal therapy,...

From infancy to adulthood children face a range of changes and potential problems along the way. While we can't step in and live their lives for them, we can arm them with the tools they need to contend with each stage of their lives. Helping to build confidence in children is a great way to help your child cope with the ups and downs of childhood. Confidence can help a younger child manage the friendship problems they commonly experience, as well as helping children of all ages deal with sibling rivalry, problems with schoolwork and bullying, among other issues. A confident child is more resilient to the fluctuations of life. They will not take things personally or blame themselves for things that are not their fault and can therefore find it easier to deal with the sorts of issues that crop up in childhood and adolescence. Want to learn to build confidence in children? First Psychology Scotland is running two FREE events this spring aimed at parents and educators of chil...

Growing up in a relaxed and happy environment can reduce anxiety levels in children. However, perhaps family life is not as perfect as we’d like it to be. Psychologists have long argued that our relationships with family members have an enormous impact on our well-being. It is therefore crucial to put both time and effort into them in order to make them as strong as they can be. Here are some tips to help create happy families. Fun. Have fun together. It can be easy to dismiss activities as 'something for the kids' while you just sit and watch, but having fun and laughing together is a crucial bonding experience. Get involved with the kids and don’t be afraid to be silly.  Allow free communication. This does not include talking about mundane daily topics, but discussing real issues that matter to your family. If you provide an open environment where your children are encouraged to communicate freely about their opinions and lives, they will be more likely to come to you i...

Traditionally, Christmas is a time for families to come together and spend quality time with one another. However, modern families are becoming increasingly complex and the prospect of negotiating a happy Christmas can be daunting. This year, 9,453 people filed for divorce in Scotland alone so sadly it is all too common for Christmas to be consumed by family politics and custody arguments. If you're divorced with children, it is unlikely you'll be happy to spend Christmas with your ex, but who should get the children?  If you're fortunate enough to be on good terms with your ex partner, plan access as early as possible and try to be fair. Perhaps one of you could have them in the morning and swap for the afternoon? Or if you live far apart, one of you could have them on Christmas Eve or Boxing Day and swap next year?  If you and your ex are not on speaking terms, involve a third party (such as a solicitor) to arrange access agreements and have them written down. Alte...

From co-operation at work to co-operation at home, premarital cohabitation is a popular and growing trend since the 1970s in all countries except catholic ones. For many, it is seen as a trial run before tying the knot, but is it such a good idea seeing the divorce rate for couples who cohabit are higher, and living together as a couple before marriage in the USA before 2000, was associated with lower marital satisfaction, lower commitment among men, poorer communication, higher marital conflict and higher rates of wife infidelity. Some attribute this statistic to individuals having lower standards for those they are willing to live with than marry. A lot of couples live together for convenience, but it is inertia and the investment they have made which stop them from getting out or starting over again. This leads them to drift into marriage, rather than making a conscious decision to do so, which in turn, leads to disaster. Furthermore, 40% of couples who cohabit have children which...

Following on from our previous blog on how to raise a healthy, happy child here are some further tips that may help. Let it be – it is important to encourage children to explore their surroundings through the medium of play. Your child may seem as is if they are just going up the slide at the playground the wrong way but they are, in fact, developing important socialisation, thinking, and problem solving skills. Observe – young children and babies aren’t able to communicate directly and we often have to interpret what they want or mean. Play affords children the opportunity to act out their emotions and by reflecting these as parents, our child is helped to understand their feelings. Understand – there are stages in every child’s life such as 'the terrible twos' which can be particularly demanding. Although it may seem like they are purposely disrespecting us and trying to wind us up, we must understand they do not have the ability to reason as we do, and are simply ex...

When a child is playing up, new research suggests that we should look to the parents for clues as to why. According to a study of middle and high school students, conducted by the University of New Hampshire, controlling parents are more likely to raise disrespectful and delinquent children than those who gain their child’s respect and trust. This trust and obligation to do what they are told relies on whether the child considers their parent to be a legitimate authority figure which, in turn, is determined by the parenting style they adopt. Authoritative parents who are demanding and controlling but warm and receptive to their childs’ wishes, as opposed to authoritarian parents who do not listen to these needs, are less likely to engage in delinquent behaviour. Authoritative parenting therefore appears to be the most effective approach as adolescents seem more willing to follow the rules and accept their parents' attempts to socialise them. Even at an early age, it seems tod...

Relationships inevitably have their ups and downs. If your relationship felt the strain over the festive period and things are still a little frosty, here are some tips that could help put your relationship back on track. Relationships take work – successful relationships don’t just happen on their own and require both parties to take a risk and share their thoughts, ideas and feelings. You cannot change your partner – if you are hoping in time your partner's behaviour will change then think again. All you can do is inform your partner of your needs.  Arguments hide your own fear or pain – when you get upset it might not be for the reason you think. You should work out what's going before you go laying the blame at your partner's door.  Men and women are different – by acknowledging these differences and revelling in them you can live together in a more fun and harmonious fashion.  Honour your partner every day – respect and cherish your partner to show your co...

The holidays are nearly upon us and it may sound ironic but the holiday season can be very stressful or even totally overwhelming for some people - particularly those who are prone to anxiety. Here are some tips on how to manage your anxiety during the festive season. Too much to do  You may be feeling pulled in many different directions with work, family as well as shopping and entertaining. If this is the case, take a moment to slow down. Make lists, plan menus and give yourself plenty of time. By organising your time and prioritising tasks you can minimise stress and anxiety. Too little money  As early as October we may see adverts for Christmas which show gifts piled up under the tree and tables full of tempting food. With expectations such as these, it is no wonder we may feel the need to overspend. In order to avoid temptation, set yourself a budget and make a list of how much you can spend on each person and stick to it. Consider buying joint gifts or making them....

We published our latest newsletter today. It's always such hard work deciding what each issue should contain. There is usually so much that we'd like to say! We have two great articles: one looks at extreme sport and explores whether it is a hidden form of self-harm; the other is about anger and ways to manage those powerful feelings we all have. We are also excited to promote a new family therapy service at our centres. We are working with the Institute of Systemic and Family Therapy (InSyT (Scotland)) to run this valuable service. What a busy time we are having!