The language of love

When we talk about the language of love many people might think we are referring to sex. According to author, Gary Chapman, however, the language of love is about how people express, and feel love in different ways.

In order to feel loved, we must match our love language to that of our partners. It seems obvious really. If I speak English and my partner speaks Hebrew then we are likely to feel frustrated as communication may be difficult.

What is your language of love? 

1. Words of affirmation – unsolicited compliments from your partner 
2. Quality time – undivided attention from your partner 
3. Receiving gifts – the thought behind the gift from your partner rather than the gift itself 
4. Acts of service – doing something you know your partner would like you to do 
5. Physical touch – affection from your partner, not sex 

By identifying your partner's love language and your own, even if they are different, you can then adapt the way you express your love to suit your partner's needs. If one partner expresses love by giving gifts but the other would rather hear words of affirmation such as ‘I love you’ then these expressions of love will be missed.

But how do you work out your partner’s love language? Think about your partner's values and what they say. If you often hear them complain that ‘we never spend time together’ this might suggest that they communicate through ‘quality time’ whereas ‘you never do anything for me’ would imply ‘acts of service’.

If your partner's love language does not come naturally to you (e.g. you don’t like holding hands), it is essential you find a way to express your love in their language otherwise it will not be felt.