Friday, 10 February 2012

The dark side of love

They say love and hate aren’t poles apart, but is this really true? Relationships can be hard and although we may love our partners greatly, some of our actions, unintentionally or otherwise, may have disturbing motives. For example:
  • Making your partner grateful and dependent by dominating them
  • Hiding aggression by showering your partner with gifts or thoughtful gestures
  • Fear of loss or betrayal and constantly texting and phoning your partner

Our actions - however well meaning - can hide selfish intentions and be problematic, particularly if your partner is aware of them as this can make them feel emotionally blackmailed.

It is important to recognise that sometimes love is more about maintaining the right distance than what we can give. By getting a balance, we are able to nourish and care for ourselves emotionally which in turn, makes us less needy. If our self-esteem is low, it is best to resolve these issues on our own rather than expecting our partners to make us feel better.  

In a stable relationship, each partner is able to express their views, needs, wishes and moods without fear, judgement or worry. It is only by doing this and understanding our partners’ emotions that we can achieve intimacy.

We have local First Psychology centres in:

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