If you're feeling lonely, looking at possible reasons can help!

With January having been a prevalent time for relationships break-ups and Valentines day just around the corner, you may be feeling a bit lonely. At times like these we need good mates but with friends who make no effort and keep irregular contact, you may be feeling like you have none.

Everyone feels like this at times, but if it is a recurring problem then perhaps you need to consider the reason for your lack of close reciprocal friendships. There could be many reasons for this. It may be circumstances are preventing friendship opportunities arising, or there may be other reasons such as shyness that are keeping you from finding like-minded people. Here are some common reasons for not making friends.

Situational barriers 

• You have moved around a lot or live in a place where it is difficult to connect with people. 
• You may have be shunned if you have a mental or physical condition because of the stigma attached to your disability and may not be able to get out of the house to meet people. 
• You do not make time for friends as you find it difficult to fit them into your busy schedule. 
• You do not respond to friends consistently enough nor use their preferred mode of communication, i.e. facebook, email, texts, phone calls. 

Personality barriers 

• If you are shy and uncomfortable around people then this may make them feel uncomfortable too. 
• You may be a natural introvert and prefer being on your own. Perhaps other people pick up on this when they are around you. Or you may be extrovert and more concerned with meeting lots of people rather than establishing close friendships. 
• You feel you don’t measure up and can't trust others, which may create distance between you and your friends. 
• You find it difficult to establish intimate relationships and feel uncomfortable with people knowing the ‘real’ you. 
• You have unrealistic expectations that friendships are perfect and that they last forever. 
• You may lack the skills needed to establish and maintain good relationships. 
• Perhaps others perceive you to be too needy, pushy, controlling or conversely, too independent. 

If you are having difficulty identifying the problem then talking to someone else may help you gain insight. If you would like to book an initial session with one of our experienced practitioners, please contact us at your local First Psychology centre:

Edinburgh: 0131-668-1440, www.edinburghtherapy.co.uk
Glasgow: 0141-404-5411, www.glasgowpsychology.co.uk 

Aberdeen: www.aberdeenpsychology.co.uk
Borders: 01896-800-400, www.borderspsychology.co.uk