First Psychology blog

Dr Lindsey Burns speaks about stress Professor Ewan Gillon and Dr Lindsey Burns talk about stress   First Psychology held a 'stress factor' event at Edinburgh's Missoni Hotel last week. It proved a big success with a full turnout of people interested in finding out more about managing stress. The event, hosted by Counselling Psychologist Professor Ewan Gillon and his team, looked at the different ways people respond to stress and discussed how to build resilience to stress depending on 'your stress style'. From the feedback we received after the event and the amount of interest from people wishing to attend, stress is clearly an issue that affects many people. This is not surprising given the busy nature of our lives coupled with the financial pressures many people are currently facing. We have therefore decided to write a series a blogs based on the subject of stress and will be posting the first one soon so please do come back for more about managi...

There have been a lot of articles written warning us about the negative effects of the internet and social networking sites on our lives. However it seems that blogging may actually be beneficial for us - and particularly for teenagers who suffer from social anxiety, according to research published by the American Psychological Society. The researchers at the University of Haifa, Israel believe expressive writing in any form, such as a personal diary, gives us an easy way to communicate. They believe this therefore helps us better relate to others and allows us to release emotional distress by expressing ourselves freely, which in turn, can improve our self-esteem. They surveyed high school students who reported some level of social anxiety, assigning each student to one of four groups: two groups blogged online but only one opened their blog up to comments, another group wrote a private diary and the last group did nothing. In support of results published online in APA journal P...

As we move towards spring, those who are looking for love may be heartened by new research which suggests online dating sites are successful, but what does success actually mean? Researchers at Drexel College of Information Science and Technology examined success stories from three well-known dating websites, from a two week period in spring 2011.  Each of the three dating sites categorised their findings into three measures of success: dating, engagement and marriage. One online dating site revealed most of their success stories were related to dating, as opposed to marriage. For the other two sites the frequency of success stories increased from dating to marriage.  It seems dating websites have different views of success depending on the goals of the site, so if you are looking for a life partner you need to look for a site that promotes finding a life partner rather than one that promotes having fun for the success data to be most meaningful to you. The researchers a...

When we talk about the language of love many people might think we are referring to sex. According to author, Gary Chapman, however, the language of love is about how people express, and feel love in different ways. In order to feel loved, we must match our love language to that of our partners. It seems obvious really. If I speak English and my partner speaks Hebrew then we are likely to feel frustrated as communication may be difficult. What is your language of love?  Words of affirmation – unsolicited compliments from your partner  Quality time – undivided attention from your partner  Receiving gifts – the thought behind the gift from your partner rather than the gift itself  Acts of service – doing something you know your partner would like you to do  Physical touch – affection from your partner, not sex  By identifying your partner's love language and your own, even if they are different, you can then adapt the way you express your love t...

In celebration of St Valentines day, here at First Psychology Scotland we are looking at how to cultivate a love that endures. Love is often portrayed as a complicated concept but it is, in fact, very simple. It is a decision we make to give to another person, rather than just how we feel. Here are some of the ways we can give to maintain our love. Maintain positive illusions  According to Marcel Zentner at the University of Geneva, “men and women who continue to maintain their partner is attractive, funny, kind, and ideal for them in just about every way remain content with each other”. As relationships endure it is easy to criticise your partners behaviour rather than valuing them and their unique qualities, particularly during difficult times when strain is put on the relationship. Learn forgiveness  We are often more forgiving of those we hardly know, why is this? In order for love to grow and last, we must learn to be more forgiving of those we love. Boost your oxyt...

They say love and hate aren’t poles apart, but is this really true? Relationships can be hard and although we may love our partners greatly, some of our actions, unintentionally or otherwise, may have disturbing motives. For example: Making your partner grateful and dependent by dominating them Hiding aggression by showering your partner with gifts or thoughtful gestures Fear of loss or betrayal and constantly texting and phoning your partner Our actions - however well meaning - can hide selfish intentions and be problematic, particularly if your partner is aware of them as this can make them feel emotionally blackmailed. It is important to recognise that sometimes love is more about maintaining the right distance than what we can give. By getting a balance, we are able to nourish and care for ourselves emotionally which in turn, makes us less needy. If our self-esteem is low, it is best to resolve these issues on our own rather than expecting our partners to make us feel bette...

Following on from our last blog about the difficulty of establishing and maintaining friendships, here are some techniques on how to be liked. If you want others to like you then all you have to do is make them feel good about themselves. It’s simple, if we make people feel good about themselves they will want to recreate this feeling and will seek us out again. But how, and why don’t more of us use this technique? The problem is that we often focus on ourselves and put our needs before those of others. The irony is, if people like you they will try hard to please you anyway. Use some animal magic Like animals we constantly scan the environment for signals and threats. It is important to send positive nonverbal cues when meeting people to show that you don’t pose a threat.  These include: Eyebrow flash - a quick up and down movement of the eyebrows which is typically displayed on approaching others.  Head tilt – this shows we are not a threat as this exposes our car...

With January having been a prevalent time for relationships break-ups and Valentines day just around the corner, you may be feeling a bit lonely. At times like these we need good mates but with friends who make no effort and keep irregular contact, you may be feeling like you have none. Everyone feels like this at times, but if it is a recurring problem then perhaps you need to consider the reason for your lack of close reciprocal friendships. There could be many reasons for this. It may be circumstances are preventing friendship opportunities arising, or there may be other reasons such as shyness that are keeping you from finding like-minded people. Here are some common reasons for not making friends. Situational barriers  You have moved around a lot or live in a place where it is difficult to connect with people.  You may have be shunned if you have a mental or physical condition because of the stigma attached to your disability and may not be able to get out of the ho...