First Psychology blog

2013 is fast approaching and we probably all have some goals that we wish to achieve in the next year. However statistics show that only 12% of us actually stick to our New Year’s resolutions. This is largely due to our tendency to set unachievable goals that undoubtedly lead to failure. This year follow our five top hints and tips to setting your goals and you can achieve success. Don’t go too big. Realistically, are you going to be able to go to the gym five times a week? Instead aim smaller, such as trying to cycle to work or going for a jog at the weekends. Setting achievable goals will keep you positive.  Don’t restrict yourself, having broad goals allows for more personal evolution and growth.  Break your resolution into manageable steps. Rather than trying to lose a stone over the whole year, set yourself a target for the next three months. This will keep you more focused and make it seem less daunting.  Don’t only choose resolutions that are chores, such as gi...

Christmas is often depicted as a time for the family to all come together, sitting and laughing by a huge log fire after a perfectly cooked Christmas feast. In reality, however, Christmas provides a unique combination of family politics, judgemental in-laws and over excitable children, making it one of the most stressful times of the year. However, it is possible to have a truly merry Christmas with a few simple adjustments and some forward planning. Here are our top tips to keep Christmas peaceful. Look for problems that cropped up last year and work out how to avoid a repeat. For example, if your mother argued with your partner’s father last year, make sure they're seated at different sides of the table.  Plan the day, going for a walk together or playing board games can keep everyone amused and avoids the awkward small talk that comes with sitting around all day.  Choosing which side of the family to spend Christmas with can be one of the biggest stressors. Don’t fee...

Traditionally, Christmas is a time for families to come together and spend quality time with one another. However, modern families are becoming increasingly complex and the prospect of negotiating a happy Christmas can be daunting. This year, 9,453 people filed for divorce in Scotland alone so sadly it is all too common for Christmas to be consumed by family politics and custody arguments. If you're divorced with children, it is unlikely you'll be happy to spend Christmas with your ex, but who should get the children?  If you're fortunate enough to be on good terms with your ex partner, plan access as early as possible and try to be fair. Perhaps one of you could have them in the morning and swap for the afternoon? Or if you live far apart, one of you could have them on Christmas Eve or Boxing Day and swap next year?  If you and your ex are not on speaking terms, involve a third party (such as a solicitor) to arrange access agreements and have them written down. Alte...

You've managed to navigate yourself through the difficult world of dating and have finally found 'the one' to share your Christmas with, but can it last forever if there's a large age gap between you? Large age gaps can be a big issue, whether it's because you're at different stages in life or feel under constant scrutiny from family and friends. However, there are couples who have successful and happy relationships despite this. Here are our top tips for dealing with age differences in relationships. Be confident with your relationship. If other people see how happy you both are they will be less likely to criticise you.  Do not modify your own behaviour to act your partner’s age.  Do not expect your partner to change their behaviour.  From the beginning be aware of future difficulties. For example if only one of you wants children you need to figure out if that is a deal breaker.  Use the age gap to your advantage. The older partner probably has more life...

Once the excitement of a new promotion has settled, the prospect of asserting authority over your previous peers can be daunting. Almost everyone interested in moving to positions of greater responsibility will face this problem at some point in their lives and the chances are very few will do it with ease. Whether your new employees continue to treat you like their friend or just ignore your requests, the peer-to-boss transition can be a tough one. However, there are ways to negotiate through this bumpy period and emerge both as a stronger leader and a stronger team. Firstly, do not let co-workers reactions ruin your happiness over your promotion. You worked hard and were chosen for a reason. If you believe in your abilities, others will too.  Be confident, acting like a leader will make it easier for others to accept your new role.  Connect with your team; express your commitment to their success and that of the company. If they believe you are still on their side they wi...

Mindfulness is a popular approach that has been shown to help people deal with stress. Mindfulness focuses on the here and now - how are you feeling internally and externally on a moment by moment basis. Focusing on the present prevents us dwelling on past issues or worrying too much about the future. This allows us time to bring our nervous system back into balance. It's like a rest and reset for the mind. Practising mindfulness In practice, mindfulness often focuses on repetitive action such as breathing or chanting. It can be applied to activities such as walking, exercising, eating or meditating as well as more passive activities such as sitting. For mindful practice the following are necessary: A quiet environment - somewhere you are free from distraction.. A comfortable position - sitting on a chair, lotus position etc, try not to lie down. A focus - something to concentrate your mind. It can be an object, a feeling, some words or an image. Whatever you choose, ...

Today we look at the third relaxation technique, body scan, which can be used to combat stress. Body scan is similar to progressive muscle relaxation, covered in our previous blog, but involves focusing on muscle groups rather than tensing and relaxing them. Technique 3 - body scan Lie down on your back with your legs straight out and your arms by your sides. Focus on your breathing and breathe deeply for two minutes or until you feel ready to start. Focus on your toes on your right foot. Tune in to the sensations you feel there and imagine your breathe flowing from the sole of your foot.  After a few minutes, move your focus to your right ankle and repeat process. Then move to your right calf, knee, thigh and hip and repeat for the left side of your body. From there, move up to your torso, through your lower back and abdomen, the upper back and chest, and your shoulders. Pay close attention to any parts that are uncomfortable. Move your focus to your fingers on your righ...

Following on from our blogs on stress and relaxation, today's blog will look at the relaxation technique known as progressive muscle relaxation. This technique involves systematically tensing and relaxing different muscle groups to gain an awareness of how tension and relaxation feel in the body. This should then make it easier to notice when we become tense and therefore more able to do something about it. Technique 2 - Progressive muscle relaxation Get comfortable, take off your shoes and make sure your clothes are loose. Take a few minutes to slowly breathe in and out. Turn your attention to your right foot and focus on how it feels. Slowly tense the muscles in your foot as tightly as you can. Hold for a count of ten. Slowly release the foot, taking note of how it feels as the tension leaves the foot and it becomes limp. Stay in a relaxed state breathing deeply and slowly. Next focus your attention on your left foot. Follow the same sequence as for right foot.  Con...

Following on from our previous blog on work-place stress, the next few blogs will look at different ways to relax. Being able to relax effectively is an important skill because it triggers the body's natural relaxation response - the opposite of the stress response. Relaxation is not difficult, but it can take some practice to master. Trying a range of techniques is a great way of finding what works best for you. Technique 1 - Deep breathing Focused deep breathing can be a very helpful technique in combatting stress and it forms the foundation of other relaxation practices. The key to deep breathing is to concentrate on breathing from the abdomen, filling up the lungs with air and puffing up the abdomen as we inhale. This process delivers more oxygen to the body and immediately helps reduce anxiety and tension. How to deep breath Sit in a comfortable position, with a straight back. Place one hand on your chest and the other on your abdomen. Inhale through your nose. You...

Today is National Stress Awareness Day and this year's focus is on beating work-related stress, something that according to figures from the charity MIND affects half a million people in the UK to a level that is making them ill. So what causes work-related stress? At work we may find ourselves working side by side with people we wouldn't choose to spend time with. Add to that the fact that people often have different working styles, for example, one person may work very intensely for five hours then appear to be 'slacking' for the rest of the day while their colleague may keep their head down all day and work at a consistent, less intense pace. Conflicts can arise with one person perceiving another not to be pulling their weight while the other person may wonder how they can possibly be expected to do more. As a result people may feel under pressure to drive themselves harder, particularly if there is a potential threat of redundancy. Other people's expectations an...

Following on from our previous blog, here are some other reasons for loss of sexual desire in relationships and things we can do to help. The sexier one  One partner may naturally have a higher or lower libido but equally others may be put off by their partner’s lack of energy or technique. Being open with your partner is important. Talk about what turns you on or off and make suggestions without criticising or making your partner feel inadequate. Appreciate them for the effort they are making. If your partner has a higher sex drive then try to meet their needs to strengthen your bond and if it is lower, try to initiate sex at least once a month. Anger is a passion killer Being constantly angry and overly critical of your partner is likely to extinguish those flames of passion and create a stressful and insecure environment which is not conducive for sex. Anger can also be elicited by one partner towards the other if they are withholding sex. We all have our differences from tim...

If after being with your partner some time you feel their interest is waning and they just don't seem to fancy you as much as they once did. Here are some suggestions to get their interest. Take pride in your appearance - living up to the ideal body images portrayed by the media can be hard work and pretty much impossible. However, staying in shape, maintaining good hygiene and making an effort with how you look should improve your confidence and get your partner's attention. Take time to be friends - living with a partner is made up of three elements: practicality, friendship and sexual intimacy, which should be present in equal measure. Often the demands of everyday life, such as work and children, can leave little time for friendship which is needed for intimacy. Conversely, neglecting practical matters may leave your partner feeling disappointed and not interested in sex. Try to rebalance your home life so there is time for all three elements. Set aside time when you prio...

As individuals, we are our own worst critics. Society has taught us to be overly critical about every aspect our being from the way we look to how we behave. Self-criticism is believed to lead to self-improvement and ultimately, success, whereas being kind to ourselves is deemed selfish. But is this really the case? Not according to researchers at the University of Texas, Austin, who reported that self-criticism is damaging and results in problems such as low self-esteem, anxiety and depression. Self-compassion, on the other hand, is associated with greater well-being, better emotional coping skills and compassion for others. Self-compassion involves accepting thoughts and feelings, observing life without judgement, being kind and understanding to ourselves in our suffering and when doing so, realising we are not alone. Being self-compassionate might not come easy at first but here’s a few tips that may help. Imagine someone else - what would we do or say to someone we cared a...

The impact of suicide on the family and wider community is vast. Furthermore, the cost of suicide to the economy is estimated to be billions of pounds a year. However, the fact that suicide attempts far outnumber completed suicides gives us some hope that there are factors at work in protecting against it. There are things we can do ourselves. Psychologically we can protect ourselves from the risk of suicide by developing resilience (being able to cope with, and adjust to stressful life events), self-confidence, self-worth, effective problem-solving skills, and help-seeking behaviour. Adopting a healthier lifestyle such as a good diet, regular exercise, enough sleep, and abstinence from smoking and illicit drugs can also lower our risk of suicide. Furthermore, religion and social integration, maintenance of good relationships, support from others and access to healthcare can all protect us from suicide and reduce the likelihood that we will attempt it again. There are also measures tha...

Yesterday was World Suicide Prevention Day. Suicide is preventable and to raise awareness of this, we are going to consider who is at risk and what factors can protect us from it in our two part blog. Suicide is one of the biggest killers across the globe, more so than homicide and war put together. According to the World Health Organisation (WHO), around one million people die each year by suicide, which equates to one death every 40 seconds. Though suicide attempts are 20 times the number of actual suicides, it is estimated that 5% of us attempt suicide at least once in our lives. Suicidal behaviour tends to increase with age, being high among middle-aged and older adults, particularly those over 75. However, it is still the second cause of death worldwide among 15-19 year olds. Although women attempt suicide two to three times more often than men, suicide is more common among men, with three males to every one female taking their own lives. The reason given for this is that men are ...

Body dsymorphic disorder (BDD) affects one in 50 people and usually starts in the early twenties or teenage years. Individuals with body dysmorphic disorder are excessively preoccupied with how they look and greatly exaggerate or even imagine flaws in their appearance. BDD sufferers can obsess about any area but tend to focus more intently on the skin, eyes, nose, teeth, buttocks, stomach, hair or chest. BDD is a form of obsessive-compulsive disorder because the obsessions about appearance can become so consuming that they can greatly affect a sufferer's everyday life (preventing them from going to work and socialising) and as a result can lead to other problems, such as depression, anxiety and eating disorders. Over 25% of people with BDD have a history of attempting suicide. Research from Rhode Island Hospital and Auburn University has suggested it is eating less or restricting food intake in BDD that correlates with more than double the number of suicide attempts whereas exc...

As well as the media, another powerful influence on our body image results from the messages we receive from the people closest to us - our parents, siblings, friends, colleagues and teachers.  Our parents, in particular, can have a major impact on our body image. This concept has been labelled ‘thin-heritance’ and explores how we may model our parents' negative views of food, unhealthy dieting practices and negative attitudes towards their own or our bodies. This can negatively affect our own body image. In all our relationships, be it with a parent or partner, we seek acceptance and validation. So an offhand look when asking for a second helping may cause individuals to become dissatisfied with their bodies and increase their risk of developing an eating disorder such as anorexia nervosa or bulimia nervosa. Sometimes body image can also result from the relationship we have with ourselves and in particular, the qualities we possess. Individuals with the following traits are mor...

Summer is supposed to be a carefree time, but for some it’s a season of self-consciousness and inadequacy. The realisation we will need to shed some clothes can be particularly daunting. Indeed, estimates reveal up to 90% of women in the UK experience body image anxiety and a worrying two-thirds of these would undergo surgery to rectify the problem. But it’s not just women who are unhappy with their bodies. Researchers at the University of the West of England found that four out of five men in the UK dislike their bodies and would trade a year of their life to achieve their ideal body shape/weight. But where does negative body image originate from? Now more than ever, we are under immense pressure to conform to society’s ideals of the body beautiful. Historically, the ideal female body was voluptuous and full figured because it symbolised wealth and fertility. In the 1900s, however, this ideal changed as plumpness became associated with indulgence and lack of self-control and so th...

We live life at such a frantic pace we have little time to think about the food we eat or how we consume it. Eating should be pleasurable as it satiates our hunger, but when we’re doing other things, such as watching TV or working, we fail to recognise our bodies are full and continue to eat regardless. As a result, we don’t enjoy the food we have and need more food to feel satisfied. Mindful eating can teach us to savour our food, recognise our eating habits/impulses and seize control of them. It allows us to listen to our bodies and rediscover the joy of eating. Here are some mindful eating strategies to help us achieve the above: Only eat when you’re hungry but don’t wait until you’re starving.  Eat without distractions – in silence for at least half of the meal is preferable.  Focus on your food in minute detail – this can be enhanced by putting your cutlery down between mouthfuls.  Contemplate your food before eating – appreciate the aroma and appearance of your...

In the current climate, we are taking on more and working longer hours to keep our jobs and put food on the table, but at what cost to our family’s health? Research by the Temple’s Center for Obesity Research and Education has investigated this work/family conflict focusing on both parents’ employment status and those with adolescents in particular. Findings have revealed that parents who work full-time, compared to those who work part time or stay at home, have fewer family meals, are more likely to indulge in fast food as a family, spend less time on food preparation and are less likely to encourage their adolescents to eat healthily. The adolescents then in turn eat less fruit and vegetables. Regardless of employment status, the only difference between mothers and fathers was that men reported far less hours of food preparation than women. When considering the relationship between work and stress on our eating habits, it seems it can have a hugely negative impact on our children’s h...

Whether we’re a workaholic, an employee, unemployed or a full-time parent, we all experience stress in varying degrees and we all deserve a break from time to time. Even the Prime Minister takes time off for recess during the summer and although some think this isn’t justified, he's probably doing the right thing. When we’re stressed, we’re more likely to become ill because our body is less able to avoid injury and fight infection. We may not sleep or digest our food as well and our memory and ability to make decisions may worsen. We may also become irritable, depressed and anxious. Holidays can help us de-stress. Indeed, research in Canada has revealed active pastimes, such as holidays and golf, helped almost 900 lawyers guard against or improve job stress. Holidays allow us time to rest and recuperate, to broaden our horizons, to gain a new perspective, to promote peace and understanding and to learn. Researchers at Purdue University have also found they promote positive bonding,...

As summer is now in full swing, most of us will have had or be looking forward to a well-deserved break. We may joke when people can’t leave work at work, but there are some people who are compelled to work and do so excessively. These individuals are known as ‘workaholics’, but is it really possible to be addicted to work? According to researchers from Norway and the UK the answer is yes, and they have even gone so far as to develop an instrument to measure work addiction which they have called The Bergen Work Addiction Scale. This scale, which appears in the Scandinavian Journal of Psychology , uses elements of addictions that are recognised as diagnostic criteria. It is hardly surprising to learn that work addiction is on the rise, particularly considering the current climate, the new technology we have at our disposal and our lack of ability to switch off and separate our work from our home life. What might alarm us, however, is the association between work addiction and stress/bur...

Life can sometimes feel like groundhog day - get up, go to work, come home, watch TV and then go to bed. As we grow up, we neglect our playful side and the many activities we once enjoyed. We often find ourselves cruising through life on autopilot. With the holidays nearly here however and perhaps a little more time on our hands, there is no better time to unlock our creativity and bring some joy back to our lives. Here are some tips suggested by Allison Arden, author of The Book of Doing: Everyday Activities to Unlock Your Creativity and Joy . List three activities you enjoyed as a child and start doing them.  Read biographies of people who’ve inspired you.  Sketch pictures of people and objects everyday – sitting still for a while may allow you to see things from a new perspective.  Train for something – this could be anything from a marathon to a bike-a-thon. Starting gradually and building up to something slowly can make you feel competent and empowered. ...

What do Prince William, Barak Obama, and Jimi Hendrix all have in common? They are left-handed. It is estimated 5-26% of the population are left-handed and to mark Left-Handers Day on the 13 August, let’s see why being left-handed is less common and what difference, if any, our handedness makes. Left-handedness is thought to be hereditary, much like eye colour. Left-handers are likely to have left-handed parents, which is believed to result from a genetic mutation or developmental issue.  Did you know schizophrenia is more common in left-handers as is autism, dyslexia and epilepsy? More left-handers are also born in spring or early summer which may affect brain development as higher rates of viral infections occur in expectant mothers during the winter. Left-handers however, are better at using both parts of their brain, as they tend to have a larger corpus callosum. They are more likely to be good at maths, better at creative problem solving and have an IQ higher than 131 which so...

Positive psychology is a growing field of study and as such, there is a wealth of research revealing ways to live longer, healthier and happier lives. Here are some interesting findings on happiness. Happiness has its roots in our genes – although 50% of our happiness is created by external factors such as relationships, health and work, research conducted at the University of Edinburgh and Queensland Institute has found happiness is partly determined by our personality. They also found that personality and happiness are, by and large, hereditary. People with certain types of personality are happier – using a framework called the Five-Factor Model to rate participants' personalities, the research above also discovered people who are sociable, conscientious and do not excessively worry tend to be happier. There are six variables that predict happiness – various research has revealed positive self-esteem, perceived sense of control, extroversion, optimism, positive relations...

As we delve deeper into summer our pace starts to slow, we have more time for reflection, and it’s an ideal time to renew our outlook. One way we can do this is by being pono. Pono is a feeling that most of us have experienced at some time of peace, purpose and a sense that everything is ‘right’. In order to be pono, we must forgive ourselves so that we can let go of the bad feelings we harbour towards others. Pono comes from ho`oponopono which is the ancient Hawaiian practice of reconciliation and forgiveness. This process allows us to overcome one of our biggest barriers to forgiveness - fear. Often we fear asking for, or offering forgiveness because we think it makes us look weak and vulnerable. Unfortunately, fear is a negative emotion and holding onto negativity does nothing but harm. There are three steps to the process of ho’opnopono:  Forgiving - we may not realise it but forgiveness is a two way process. It entails the person who has done wrong asking for forgiveness but...

With the Olympic Games having recently begun, there seems no better time to discuss some of the psychological techniques employed by athletes to improve their performance. One such technique is known as ‘self-talk’ which reflects the link between our thoughts and performance. Self-talk uses self-addressed words or phrases to guide action. Different types of self-talk work in different ways. It can benefit both beginners and more experienced athletes when they practise the technique. However, self-talk is believed to be most effective for novel tasks. This is because it is easier to fine tune the early stages of learning, and tasks involving fine skills (such as sinking a golf ball), because it improves concentration. Instructional self-talk (such as ‘elbow up’ for a beginner swimmer) works better for tasks involving fine skills as opposed to motivational self-talk (e.g. ‘give it all’) which works better for tasks requiring strength, endurance, confidence and psyching-up. Another approa...

There’s good news for those of us who hate to exercise but want to keep trim. According to the BBC’s Horizon programme, it’s possible to improve some measures of fitness by exercising for only three minutes a week. But why are some of us averse to exercise? One common reason for failing to exercise is that we simply don’t feel like it because we are discouraged or depressed. Another reason is that we don’t have the time. According to research in the Journal of Physical Education , teachers of PE in school can largely influence whether we enjoy sport or not. By encouraging social interaction and responsibility, focusing on effort and personal improvement and not making comparisons with other pupils, PE teachers can make students feel competent doing exercise and playing sports outside of school, as well as throughout their lives. The social side of sport or group cohesion it creates has been investigated by a professor at Wilfrid Laurier University. It seems the camaraderie that often d...

With a summer of sport ahead us, the topic of exercise seems rather pertinent. The benefits of exercise to the body are well known. It keeps the heart healthy, strengthens our immune system, reduces blood pressure and reduces stress through the release of endorphins which make us feel good. However, the benefits of exercise to our mental well-being are less known and in particular, its effect on our brain. Research suggests exercise can help reduce anxiety in women and alleviate depression in both sexes. Indeed, a recent study revealed that a 30 minute brisk walk (or equivalent) significantly improves our mood after 2, 4, 8, and 12 hours. In the last few years, researchers at Dartmouth’s Department of Psychological and Brain Sciences have focused on the relationship between exercise and the brain and discovered a gene that regulates the beneficial effect of exercise on our brain - according to age, and memory in particular. These findings could be significant in using exercise as treat...

Recent reports by BBC News have revealed a link between domestic abuse and international football tournaments. During the 2010 World Cup, domestic violence surged. Figures from police forces across England revealed that when England lost to Germany there were 724 more cases of domestic abuse, an increase of 29%. However, it is not only losing that causes abuse to rise. When England beat Slovenia, there were 516 more cases reported which is an overall increase of 27%. Nevertheless, when England drew there was no significant impact on domestic abuse. It has been argued that football does not cause domestic abuse but it can, in some relationships, be an issue which compounds it. Domestic violence is an attempt to exert power or control over another person using fear, intimidation, verbal abuse, threats or violence. Over time, victims often become isolated from family and friends, losing their network of social support, and the abuser may use increasingly brutal methods to control, leadin...

With controversy surrounding the recent European Football Championships which took place in Poland and the Ukraine, and in tribute of Nelson Mandela's birthday tomorrow, it seems fitting to draw the spotlight on the topic of discrimination and racism, in particular. It is hardly surprising to learn that racial discrimination may be harmful to our health. Findings from a study conducted at Rice University found approximately 18% of black people and 4% of white people reported more physical symptoms and higher levels of emotional upset as a result of perceived treatment based on race. Indeed, the relationship between perceived racism and self-reported depression and anxiety is strong. According to researchers at the University of British Columbia, it is how we feel about ourselves, particularly how we experience pride that determines our racist attitudes towards others who are different. 'Authentic' pride results from hard work and achievement whereas 'hubristic...

From fear of commitment to another fear altogether, for those of you who hadn't noticed, today is Friday the 13th. For individuals who suffer from paraskevidekatriaphobia (fear of Friday the 13th) this day, which comes around at least once a year and as many as three, is feared so much that they will re-schedule appointments, dodge ladders and black cats, or indeed avoid anything they think might bring them bad luck. But is Friday the 13th a phobia? A phobia is a form of anxiety disorder which causes distress for an individual and disrupts their everyday life as they go to great lengths to avoid certain situations and objects. Phobias are defined as 'a strong, excessive, irrational fear of something that actually poses little or no danger'. Approximately 2.5 million people in the UK suffer from phobias and women are twice as likely as men to suffer from panic disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, generalised anxiety disorder and specific phobia, though men and women s...

Contrary to the woes of premarital cohabitation in our previous blog, evidence has recently come to light which suggests it is the individual's attitude toward the decision to live together that determines whether the relationship will succeed or fail. Couples who demonstrate commitment to each other before shacking up, by getting engaged for example, fair just as well as those who marry without living together first. Indeed, women may even reduce the risk of divorce if they make a conscious decision to live with their partner before marriage, though are twice as likely to part company if they serially cohabit. With this in mind, the decision to live together should not be taken lightly. Here is some advice on what to consider before doing so. Speak now or forever hold your peace - discuss issues, such as chores or who's welcome in your home when you're not around, before you move in. This will save problems later down the line. If you're worried bringing issues up will...

From co-operation at work to co-operation at home, premarital cohabitation is a popular and growing trend since the 1970s in all countries except catholic ones. For many, it is seen as a trial run before tying the knot, but is it such a good idea seeing the divorce rate for couples who cohabit are higher, and living together as a couple before marriage in the USA before 2000, was associated with lower marital satisfaction, lower commitment among men, poorer communication, higher marital conflict and higher rates of wife infidelity. Some attribute this statistic to individuals having lower standards for those they are willing to live with than marry. A lot of couples live together for convenience, but it is inertia and the investment they have made which stop them from getting out or starting over again. This leads them to drift into marriage, rather than making a conscious decision to do so, which in turn, leads to disaster. Furthermore, 40% of couples who cohabit have children which...

Following on from our previous blog, here are some more strategies on how to handle difficult co-workers. As everyone is different, there is obviously not one single, sure fire way to deal with awkward workmates but there are some things you can do, or rather avoid doing that can make the situation better. Avoid: sarcasm defensiveness. using 'you' - instead use 'I' and 'we' statements, as 'you' implies they are the problem not that the problem is shared. e.g. 'I don't understand' rather than 'You're not making sense'. expressing emotion as this makes it difficult for the other person to keep up their high level of emotion. This can be done by keeping your voice soft and your tone even. engaging. If the conflict continues and is not being resolved, then politely disengage from the situation by, for example, saying 'I think it would be better to discuss this when emotions aren't so high', then walk away.  If none ...

Your boss may be incompetent, but hellish co-workers can bring turmoil to your working life, as well as your emotional and physical well-being. Every organisation has one, if not many, and they come in different guises; the bully, the know-it-all and the suck up, to name a few. But don't worry, help is at hand with some useful advice on how to cope with these nightmare colleagues, and reduce stress at work in the process. Predict and prepare Work colleagues may be annoying but they tend to be pretty predictable as well. For instance, the work gossip will always gossip and the complainer will always complain. Although it is difficult to predict what people will do in every situation, we can anticipate the theme of this drama or conflict and prepare a response. Without this preparation, we are likely to react with anger or annoyance which will only make the situation worse. Role playing with someone you trust, and trying out a few responses can help you find the most effective wa...

With the recent, alarming statistics from the USA that women earn 84.6% and 78.3% of their male counterparts, in accordance with the number of hours they work (41-44 hours and over 60 hours respectively), it seems that women are still getting a raw deal in the workplace. However, men are getting a hard time in another way it seems. According to a new study, conducted by the Pennsylvania State University, male bosses who make mistakes are judged more harshly than women leaders who make the same errors. We all make mistakes but it seems the consequences of these errors can damage the perceptions of leaders who make them, for some more than others. Indeed, male bosses who make errors were deemed less competent and less effective as leaders and, as a result, employees were less likely to trust their decisions and were less willing to work for them. The findings, published in Springer's Journal of Business and Psychology online, went further to evaluate the effects of gender when the ...

According to a popular belief held for over 100 years, humans always exhibit the ‘fight or flight’ response to stress. This is a physiological, primitive, inborn reaction our bodies experience in order to prepare us to ‘fight’ or ‘flee’ from a perceived threat or danger. It has been common belief that when men experience stress they become aggressive. However, in line with our blogs on men’s health, it seems researchers at the University of Freiburg in Germany have discovered stress in men does not always lead to aggressive behaviour.  It has always been assumed men demonstrate aggression under stress and since the late 1990s, scientists have suggested that women exhibit a protective and befriending reaction to stress, which they labelled the ‘tend-and-befriend’ response. More recently, researchers revealed that positive social contact before a stressful situation reduced the stress response in men but they wanted to investigate whether stress could produce other behaviour in men...

Many people wrongly assume eating disorders only affect teenage girls when in fact they are not exclusive to any age, cultural/racial background or gender. They usually develop around the age of 14-25 but can appear in middle age, and 10-20% of those diagnosed with an eating disorder are male. This figure however, is likely to be higher as the symptoms are less likely to be recognised in men and in addition men are less likely to seek help. Therefore eating disorders go largely undiagnosed in men and boys. We use food when we are bored, anxious, angry, lonely, stressed, unhappy and struggling to cope with relationship and work problems, grief and traumatic events among other things. Many people develop an eating disorder because they feel ‘too fat’ or ‘not good enough’ and believe it is the only way they can feel in control of their life. Eating disorders are often not the product of a single cause, but a trigger commonly cited for men is teasing or bullying about weight and body shape...

Fatherhood for the vast majority of men is filled with joy and happiness. According to a study, conducted at Melbourne’s Parenting Research centre however, new dads are just as likely as new mums to suffer from the ‘baby blues’. The ‘baby blues’ describe a condition which includes symptoms of anxiety, worry, stress, feeling unable to cope, feeling blue and despairing that things won’t get better. Surprisingly, research published in the journal Social Psychiatry and Psychiatric Epidemiology revealed the rates of these problems were the same for both fathers and mothers with 9.7% of fathers reporting symptoms of post-natal depression in the child’s first year of life, compared to 9.4% for mothers. This risk of ‘baby blues’ in men also changed with age and income. The younger the father, the higher the risk and men on lower incomes were reported to be 70% more likely to experience post-natal depression. Furthermore, when they compared new fathers to childless men of a similar age and bac...

It is well documented that men seek psychological help far less than women even though they encounter as many mental health problems. Each June in the run up to Father’s Day we celebrate Men’s Health Week with the sole purpose of trying to increase awareness of preventable health problems and to encourage early detection and treatment of disease amongst men and boys. In honour of Men’s Health Week this year from 11-17 June, we are going to look at how some mental health issues, which are traditionally thought to be women’s problems, can affect men too. While the rate of self-harm is higher in women, it is four times more likely to lead to suicide in men. Although the triggers for men and women are similar, i.e. abuse in childhood, domestic violence, breakdown of a relationship, problems with alcohol and employment, self-harm is becoming a growing issue for men, particularly those aged 20 to 35. Self-harm includes overdosing, swallowing chemicals like bleach, and cutting, gouging or scr...

How many times have you driven somewhere to arrive without remembering anything about the journey? Quite often probably, because our lives are so busy and we have so many conflicting demands to juggle that we often go on automatic pilot to cope. In doing so, we lose awareness of the present moment. Our last blog discussed the idea of happiness in relation to a balanced time perspective, but the founder of modern day Mindfulness, Jon Kabat Zinn, suggests the key to well-being and happiness is to be more present in our own lives. He reasons we are too easily distracted by thoughts of the past and the future that we are too self-critical and fail to notice the good things happening around us. Mindfulness involves paying attention to our thoughts, feelings and sensations in the present moment in a non-judgmental and purposeful way which allows us to step back from our automatic responses to everyday events and see things how they really are. In doing so, it is believed we can improve our q...

Some people regularly look back to the good old days whereas others can’t wait to see what’s around the corner and some just focus on the here and now. According to researchers at San Francisco State University however, the happiest people are those with a balanced time perspective. That is to say, individuals who live in the present, look fondly towards the past, and anticipate the future, are more satisfied with their lives. The findings of this study, reported in the Journal of Happiness Studies, reveal that relying too heavily on any one time dimension can make it difficult for us to move forward, can limit our cognitive flexibility in certain situations and also lead to destructive behaviours. For instance, a very hedonistic, live in the moment attitude could lead us to over-indulge or live to excess. Living in the past may keep us from enjoying the present; living too much in the present may stop us from achieving future goals; but at the same time, looking to the future too much...

We all feel stressed at work and have bad days from time to time, but burnout is different. The term ‘burnout’ was coined in 1974 and has since been described as a condition ‘induced by chronic stress that is characterised by emotional or physical exhaustion, cynicism and a lack of professional efficacy’. According to psychologist Christina Maslach, burnout results from a significant mismatch between our beliefs and factors in our lives such as workload, sense of control and reward (or lack of), and fairness. One factor on its own might not be a problem, but a combination of too much work and a boss who treats you unfairly might cause burnout. Burnout is a silent condition that creeps up on us slowly. Here are some tips on how to identify the warning signs and prevent burnout before it takes hold. Recognise it – Do you dread the thought of going into work? Are you passionate and motivated about things or is everything just a burden? Are you irritable with co-workers? Are you ...