“You should go to therapy”: navigating your partner’s request for you to seek help

“You should go to therapy” can often feel like a punch in the gut. Often articles on this topic look at things from the perspective of the individual who wants their partner to go, but what if you’re on the receiving end? 

It might leave you feeling defensive, confused, or even hurt, especially if it comes at the end of a difficult argument. You might wonder: why do they think I need therapy? You might think it’s a sign of deeper problems in your relationship. These feelings are valid and common, but it’s also an opportunity to reflect and engage in meaningful dialogue—both with yourself and your partner.

If your partner has expressed this request, navigating it with openness and curiosity can strengthen your relationship and offer an opportunity for self-reflection. Here are some steps to help you approach this.

1. Pause and reflect

Your initial reaction might be to feel defensive, but take a moment. Therapy is not a judgment or a sign of failure. Often, a partner’s suggestion comes from a place of care or concern—for you, for them, or for the relationship. Ask yourself why they might be suggesting therapy. Could there be patterns in your behaviour that you’ve been struggling to address? How do you feel about therapy in general?

Acknowledging your emotions without judgment is an essential first step in addressing the topic constructively.

2. Listen to their perspective

When you’re ready, have an open and calm conversation with your partner about why they suggested therapy. Try to listen without interrupting or planning your response. Here are some questions you might ask to understand their perspective:

• “What made you think therapy might be helpful for me?”
• “Are there specific things you’ve noticed that concern you?”
• “How do you think therapy could help us or me?”

Their responses might reveal insights into your dynamics or challenges they’ve observed—not as criticism, but as an opportunity for growth.

3. Explore your own feelings about therapy

Research shows that our procrastination and feelings about therapy might range from curiosity to scepticism based on factors like age, gender, and social desirability. It’s important to explore these feelings honestly. Ask yourself:

• Are you resistant because therapy feels unfamiliar or intimidating?
• Are you worried about what you might uncover?
• Are you afraid it means something is 'wrong' with you?

Therapy is a tool for self-awareness and growth, not a sign of failure. If you feel hesitant, consider speaking with a therapist for a single session to learn what it’s like. An initial consultation isn’t a commitment, but a time to explore what this space could offer, or not. Many people find that therapy offers a safe, non-judgmental space to process.

4. Clarify the aims

If you’re open to considering therapy, clarify what you and your partner hope to achieve. Is it about addressing a specific issue, improving communication, or managing stress? Having shared goals can make therapy feel more purposeful and collaborative.

If your partner’s concerns are related to your relationship, consider couples therapy as an option. A couples therapist can work with both of you to navigate challenges together rather than placing the focus solely on one person.

5. Set boundaries around the decision

Ultimately, the decision to go to therapy is yours. If you feel pressured or coerced, it’s important to set boundaries. Some things you could say to the person suggesting it are:

• “I need some time to think about this.”
• “I appreciate your suggestion, but this is a decision I need to make for myself.”

At the same time, be mindful of whether your resistance stems from fear or misunderstanding. Therapy can be transformative, but it requires a willingness to engage.

6. View therapy as self-care

Therapy is not about 'fixing' something, but about exploring yourself. Just as you might go to the gym to strengthen your body or take vitamins to maintain your health, therapy is a way to nurture your mental wellbeing and provide tools to better navigate your relationship.

7. Keep communication open

Whether or not you decide to pursue therapy, keep talking to your partner. Let them know where you’re at in your thought process and what support you might need. You could say:

• “I’ve been thinking about what you said, and I’m open to exploring therapy.”
• “I’m not ready to go to therapy right now, but I want to work on things with you.”
• “Can we talk more about what you’re feeling and how we can address it together?”

Open communication fosters trust and shows that you’re committed to working together—whether or not therapy is part of this journey.

Last thoughts

If your partner suggests therapy, it doesn’t mean something is fundamentally wrong with you or your relationship. Instead, it’s an opportunity to reflect, grow, and explore new tools for self-awareness and connection. By approaching the conversation with openness, you may discover that therapy or even the need for change can be a gift—for you, for your partner, and for your shared life together.