Why We Need Closure After a Breakup

Most of you will have experienced a breakup at some time in your life and whether the relationship was long or short term, it can be traumatic and upsetting if you were heavily invested in the person. Even if the breakup was amicable, you might need to seek closure before you can begin to heal and move on from the experience.

What is closure?

Although you might be searching for closure following a breakup, you might not know how this can be achieved to deal with your emotional trauma. So, what is closure? According to Very Well Mind, closure of a relationship is “having a sense of understanding, peace, and accepted finality of the relationship whether it’s ended because of loss, rejection, or growing apart.” In short, it allows you to come to terms with the breakup, work through your emotions and move on.

Why do we need closure?

When a relationship ends, it’s likely you will feel lots of negative emotions, which can impact your mental wellbeing if they aren’t managed properly. Some of the feelings and emotions you might experience include:

• Anger
• Resentment
• Sadness
• Low self-esteem
• Despair
• Confusion
• Guilt 

If you find yourself dwelling too much on the past and are unable to make peace with your situation, these kinds of emotions can lead to anxiety and depression so it’s important to gain closure in order to gain more a positive state of mind and move forward with your life.

How to find closure

Closure isn’t just about getting answers to your questions, such as “why didn’t my relationship work out?”, “Did I do something wrong?” or “Should I have done something differently”. Sometimes, no matter how many questions you ask, you will never feel satisfied with the answers. Instead, you need to learn to find peace within yourself, let go of negative feelings, forgive and move towards a brighter future.

But how do you do that? Finding closure of a past relationship and breakup is a personal journey for each individual and while one thing might work for one person, it may not be advantageous for another. However, there are some methods that are universal and can be of great help to everyone.

Reflect. Sometimes it’s easier to brush tricky situations under the carpet and push your emotions aside, but in the long term these negative emotions can rear their head and affect your future relationships. By reflecting on your experience and being objective, you’re allowing your mind to understand and process your feelings.

Communicate. Although you might not get all the answers you’re seeking, communicating with the other person in an honest and open way can help you come to terms with the situation and prevent you from harbouring grudges. Also, speaking with a close friend or family member can be extremely therapeutic and will help you to release any negative thoughts and emotions.

Focus on the future. One of the best ways to move on from difficult breakups is to turn your attention to activities that you enjoy, helping you focus on a brighter future. For example, spend more time on a hobby you love, take up a new sport or throw your mental energy into getting that promotion at work you’ve been hankering after.

Write a letter. While writing a letter to your ex-partner can be a valuable exercise, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to send it to them. Just by putting your thoughts down on paper and explaining how you feel can be a fantastic outlet for your emotions.

Practising these closure exercises should help you regain your self-confidence and self-esteem and heal emotionally, allowing you to move forward with a more positive outlook.