The Effects of Self-Sabotage

One of the lesser-discussed influences on mental health is self-sabotage. Perhaps this is because people aren’t even aware they are doing it or you might not even know what it means. So, what is self-sabotage, and how can it affect your mental wellbeing? And perhaps, most importantly, what steps can you take to stop it?

What is self-sabotage?

Self-sabotage is a form of destructive behaviour which is aimed at yourself. This can relate to work, relationships and other areas of your personal life. You may do these things knowingly, or in many cases, without being aware you are doing it at all.

Some examples of self-sabotage

• You apply for several jobs and obtain many interviews for roles you know you would enjoy but when the day of each interview arrives, you cancel. This could be a pattern that you know you repeat because you’d rather not attend an interview for a job you’d love than be disappointed by being unsuccessful.
• In a relationship that is going well you might do or say things that could push your partner away. Because you fear being rejected further down the line you would rather self-sabotage than be hurt by your partner in the future. 

Each of the above examples are of situations which can give you the satisfaction of thinking well, things just weren’t going to work out anyway. Yet this is only because you practise patterns of behaviour that achieve the same results each time. If you don’t attend for interview, then you don’t get the job you want and so that job is just always out of reach. When you sabotage relationships with the same behaviour each time, you have a reason for it not working out rather than feeling rejected and it damaging your self-esteem.

What causes self-sabotage?

Studies reveal that self-sabotage and self-destructive behaviour can stem from childhood trauma and is often due to low self-esteem and being unable to cope with stressful situations.

How do you stop self-sabotaging?

Although people self-sabotage to protect themselves, it can actually make them feel worse over time. You are never achieving what you see as your goals, be it a great job, a healthy relationship or being physically healthy. According to nursingmanagement.com, solving the problem of self- sabotage is not a 'quick fix'. You need to identify the specific behaviour that stops you achieving your goals. 

Tips to breaking the self-sabotage cycle

1. Recognise your triggers and your self-sabotaging behaviours. You might want to take time to reflect or find patterns in your behaviour. 
2. Practise mindfulness. This can help you shift your focus onto something else in a non-judgmental way, which can help prevent certain behaviours that lead to self-sabotage.
3. Be being kind to yourself. By showing yourself some kindness,  you can strengthen your emotional resilience so you’re able to cope better in stressful situations.
4. Learn how to become more accepting of failure ​and understand that it’s okay for things to not always go to plan. Often we self-sabotage because of our fear of failure or rejection, which can deter us from taking risks.