Friday, 18 January 2013

Stuck in relationship cycles

At this time of year when we tend to look to the future and the shops are suddenly brimming with Valentine's gifts, it may be hard to face the fact that a relationship has ended badly.

When you are not well matched a relationship is likely to end badly. However, if you keep picking the wrong partners it can leave you feeling helpless and alone.

Firstly, ask yourself these questions to see whether you keep dating the wrong people.

  • Do the same problems keep arising in each of your relationships? 
  • Do you attract partners that need your help in some way? Are you trying to fix them? 
  • Are you unable to be yourself in your relationships? 
  • Do you spend a lot of time trying to please your partner at the expense of your own happiness? 
  • Do you always behave in the same negative ways? (I.e. become jealous, over critical) 
  • Make a list of characteristics of the people you have dated. Are these really the types of people you wish to end up with? 
If you answered yes to any of these questions you may be stuck in a relationship cycle, where different relationships always end with the same problems. Follow these guidelines in order to break this pattern and finally find happiness.

  • Do you understand what a healthy relationship looks like? If you don’t then it is hard to create one. Think long and hard about this before you get involved in a new relationship. 
  • Make a list of unacceptable traits from past relationships, and avoid partners that hold these. 
  • Look for someone you feel safe with. Being comfortable with your partner means you can express yourself openly without fear of being judged. 
  • Don’t put too much emphasis on looks when searching for a partner. Look for common values and friendship over superficial traits. 
  • Think carefully about what kind of person could break your relationship cycle. Most people don’t analyse what they really want in a relationship but doing this will stop you from rushing into something that isn’t right. 
  • Try dating people you would never normally consider. You don’t know if you don’t try! 
  • Understand what you both want from the relationship before getting deeply involved, this will stop hurt later on. 
Relationships aren’t easy, but when you find the right person it is worth it. However, if you think there are deeper reasons to why you keep choosing the wrong person consider speaking to professional counsellor or psychologist. They could help you get to the bottom of your poor choices and give you help and support to find the right person for you.

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