How to spot the signs of stress in children

Much as we don’t like to think about it, stress can affect all of us – young and old. In today’s modern society, the pressures that we place on our children can cause them to feel overwhelmed and stressed, even though they may not know the words to accurately label their emotions.

A little bit of stress is natural and can actually act as a driver to boost performance and help us build resilience. However, in young people stress can be a scary emotion to work through and the way they learn to deal with the stresses they face can affect the way they think, act and feel long into adulthood.

In younger children, learning to form relationships with others and becoming less reliant on our parents can cause anxiety; for school-aged children the constant hamster wheel of school work and extra-curricular activities leaves little time for relaxation, which can be tiring and stressful.

Alongside these pressures, we as parents are often under a fair amount of stress ourselves which, like it or not, our children can pick up on. Issues such as hearing us talk about troubles at work, worrying about a relative's illness, or financial matters can all weight heavy on young people's minds.

A child’s own ability to cope with stressful situations builds as they grow older, but it’s important that we're able to recognise the signs of stress when they're younger, so as to help them navigate through their feelings and work with them to develop appropriate coping mechanisms. Sometimes children may not realise that what they are feeling is stress. However, often they will present physical symptoms which may include some of the following.

Changes in eating habits

Eating more or less than usual, especially the wrong types of food.

Headache and stomach pains

The odd headache or tummy upset should not be cause for concern, but reoccurrence may be a sign of stress.

Nightmares or waking in the night 

Sleep disturbances are a sign that the brain is busy, children may also start to bed wet or require night-time toilet trips.

Stressed children may find it hard to control their emotions, may display aggressive or stubborn behaviour, or may even start to withdraw from family / school activities that they’ve previously enjoyed. You can find out more about the signs and symptoms of childhood stress in this article by the American Psychological Association.

As parents it can be upsetting to see our child going through a difficult period in their lives, especially when they’re finding it hard to engage with us about it. That said, there is much we can do to provide the safe and secure environment needed to help them process their stress and build the resilience they need to cope.

Keep to your usual routines

Young people under stress find routines comforting. Sticking to your usual routines can have a calming effect, even if the child chooses not to engage with the activities on offer.

Do as I do

Children will mimic the behaviour of the adults they see around them and your child will look to you to replicate how you yourself deal with stress. Try to set a positive role model and handle your own stress in positive, healthy ways.

Make them feel wanted

Positive self-esteem helps children to combat feelings of stress, so if you feel your child is struggling, do what you can to build them up and praise them. Encourage them to take part in activities that they enjoy and are good at to help build up positive emotions to combat the stress.


More info about how to spot and deal with stress and anxiety in children >