Making friends in a digital world

Meeting up is important for keeping friends

The school holidays have come to an end and many kids will have gone back to a class of new faces. Making friends is not always easy and in adulthood it can be trickier still. A recent study in the Metro found that adults have fewer friends today than in the 1980s. Social media could be a major player in this, as even those people who claim they have lots of friends say they do not feel they’re close enough with any of them to discuss important things in their lives.

We’ve developed some top tips for helping you build adult friendships that will last. Forget your Facebook friends – we’re talking about people who’ll be there for you when you need them and offer support and companionship beyond your digital devices.

Find people who like the same things you do

Most friendships are borne out of a common interest, belief or pastime. It helps to spark conversations and from there you can decide if you like each other enough for a true friendship to form. If you really want to make new friends, start by being in a place where likeminded people will congregate – join a club, pick up a new hobby or sign up to night classes.

You get out what you put in

In the early stages of a new friendship you have to make the time to nurture your new relationship. Once you've found someone you think has friend potential, set yourself the challenge to develop the connection. People can be shy, so if you get rebuffed the first time, make yourself a promise to try again. People will appreciate your early efforts. Of course, if after the second or third attempt there is still no connection made, accept that this friendship might not be going anywhere and turn your attentions elsewhere.

Digital friends can develop into more

Yes, this goes against what we’ve already said about Facebook and Twitter being two of the main reasons we have fewer ‘real’ friends these days, but when it comes to face-to-face friendships, social sites are excellent places to connect with likeminded people. Groups are cropping up all the time, filled with people who are also looking for new friends– just make sure you convert these virtual acquaintances into face-to-face meetings as this has been shown to be an important factor for retaining friends! If you do decide to meet up with an online friend, remember to tell someone where you're going and when you'll be back and always meet in a public place during the daytime until you get to know them better.

Revive faded friendships

There are many reasons why old friendships come to an end – we may move jobs, relocate or see our family situation change. However, if you find yourself in a friend famine, consider contacting some of your old friends to see if there is anything to rekindle there.


If you’re still unsure about how to create new friendships now you’re an adult, take a look at a technique called The Golden Rule of Friendship. This works on the theory that people will like you if you make them feel good about themselves. This Psychology Today blog explains all about it. It boasts a 100% success rate, so what have you got to lose? Those new friendships are closer than you think!