How to rebuild a marriage after infidelity

The line between innocent flirtation and romantic betrayal is often elastic with many couples conflicted because their partner does not share the same definition of cheating as them. Being unfaithful in a marriage often results in separation and devastation. However, while recovery is possible, it’s a challenging journey that requires commitment, vulnerability, and patience from both partners.

Why do affairs happen?

There are endless reasons why someone chooses to be unfaithful to their partner. Some of the more common ones include:

  • Lack of affection
  • Feeling neglected
  • Falling out of love
  • Low self esteem
  • Breakdown of communication between partners
  • Mental health issues such as depression or anxiety
  • Physical health issues such as disability
  • Major life changes such as having a child
  • Stressful periods such as losing your job
  • While cheating often happens due to problems in the relationship, it is also not uncommon for those in amazing and healthy marriages to fall victim to cheating. A happy and fulfilling relationship is not an impenetrable shield.

It’s important to remember that you are only responsible for your own actions, you should never feel responsible for causing someone to cheat on you.

First steps 

The first thing that needs to happen is the apology. In the aftermath of an affair, an apology is a way of taking responsibility for the betrayal and pain that was inflicted. A true apology after an affair sends a message that no matter what the reasoning behind the affair was, violating the marriage like that was never the answer. The apology is essential because it begins the restoration of the marriage and promises change.

Time apart can be beneficial for some couples, but every relationship is different. Some individuals need that time away from their partner to heal and understand what was behind the affair. If time apart is what you and your partner feel like you both need, then take as long as you want, there is no correct length of time that you and your partner should spend away from each other. The time spent separately depends on when you both feel mentally ready to have a clean slate and put it all behind the both of you.

Both parties need to invest in rebuilding and releasing all the negative emotions of resentment and hurt from any past indiscretions. The innocent spouse in this must be genuinely ready and willing to let go of the problem and move forward. There can be no half measures and the topic of cheating should not be constantly mentioned during arguments or challenging times.

If both you and your partner are struggling to rebuild the relationship, it might be time to seek some support from a third party to help reconcile things. Consult a relationship counsellor or get help from a non-judgemental, understanding friend or family member. A professional counsellor, therapist, or friend could be the 'neutral' person between the two of you. This small investment could bring great rewards to your relationship.
In the aftermath of an affair, only the couple can decide if their marriage can survive.

You both should become new partners to each other, leaving the affair behind. Healing the aftermath of an affair can involve mourning loss and embracing growth. It's important to remember that forgiveness is an ongoing process, not a distinct event.


References


Location: United Kingdom

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