Dealing with Sibling Rivalry

If you’ve grown up with brothers or sisters, it’s likely that at some point in your life you’ll have experienced sibling rivalry. Or perhaps you’re now the parent of more than one child and you’ve become the one in a position of responsibility. Either way, if you don’t have the right tools to deal with certain situations, sibling rivalry can become stressful for both the children and parents. In a 2021 study published in the Journal of Interpersonal Violence available at National Library of Medicine, sibling bullying is linked to lower self-confidence and self esteem and in some instances it can double the risk of depression and self-harm in young adults.

Why does sibling rivalry happen?

In reality not everyone gets along with each other all of the time, adults included, so it’s not surprising that children have arguments from time to time and this is normal behaviour. However, when these arguments become more of a regular occurrence, it’s time to take action.

There are many reasons why sibling rivalry can occur:

• Seeking attention
• Jealousy
• Age difference
• Different interests

Ways to deal with sibling rivalry

Listen to your children

As a parent, one of the most important skills you can have is to listen to your children. Although this might seem like a simple task, it often gets pushed to one side when our lives become hectic and stressful. Children need to be listened to and often their emotions will spiral out of control if they feel they’re being ignored or their voice and opinions go unheard. This can create negative feelings such as anger or resentment, especially if their sibling receives more attention at a particular time. Simply by putting some time aside to let your child speak to you and air their thoughts on a one-to-one basis will help to relieve any frustrations or concerns.

Remember yourself as a child
As adults, when we get wrapped up in our busy schedules and have to deal with our own emotions and anxieties, it’s easy to forget how we once felt as a child. Remember back to your childhood and how it felt to have a sibling that you constantly bickered or fought with. What did you argue about? How did it make you feel? What do you think your parents could have done to help the situation? By understanding how you felt at the time, you’ll be able to think of solutions or actions you can take to appease any sibling rivalry.

Offer praise for positive qualities
While it’s good to encourage our children to perform to the best of their abilities in order to live a more fulfilling life, it’s also important not to put labels on them. We all have our own unique qualities and not everyone is born with the same level of intelligence or skillsets, so no two children should ever be compared. When we compare children or introduce labels such as the ‘funny one’, ‘sporty one’ or ‘smart one’, we may inadvertently create the sibling rivalry ourselves. By ditching the labels and focusing more on positive attributes like kindness, determination and trustworthiness, siblings are less likely to feel the need to compete with each other and vie for your attention and approval.

Find out more

You can read more about sibling rivalry and other issues that children and adolescents encounter as they grow up in our free booklet "Flourishing Children – Help Your Child To Thrive"

Ways to Stay Calm in Stressful Situations

Stress is part and parcel of everyday life and it’s a natural human response to certain situations. However, if you find yourself feeling stressed most of the time and don’t deal with your symptoms, this can lead to more serious mental health issues such as depression.

What causes stress?

Everybody is different and what might be stressful for one person might not be for another. But there are some situations that tend to be stressful for the majority of people, such as:

• Moving home
• Job insecurity
• Relationship problems
• Financial issues

Stress is our body’s way of responding to mental or emotional pressures and it can be a sign that we need to take action to preserve our wellbeing.

Symptoms of stress

There may be times when stress goes unnoticed but the longer it does so, the worse it can become so it’s important to recognise early signs and take action. Some of the symptoms of stress include:

• Feeling angry or irritable 
• Headaches
• Sleep disturbance
• Exhaustion
• Lack of self-confidence
• Tearful
• Digestive problems
• Change in appetite and weight 
• Increased risk of heart disease
• Brain fog
• Poor memory

How to remain calm in stressful situations

It might not always be possible to avoid stressful situations owing to the nature of life’s ups and downs, however, there are ways you can learn to stay calm.

1. Breathe

One of the simplest ways to ease feelings of stress is to focus on your breathing. When we’re feeling stressed or anxious, our breathing tends to become faster, and we take shorter breaths which sends a message to our brain that can make us feel even more anxious as it sends our body into fight or flight mode. By paying attention to your breathing and intentionally taking slower, deep breaths, it helps us to feel calmer.

2. Recognise when you’re stressed or anxious

When we find ourselves in stressful situations, often we let our body’s response take over. Just by recognising how you’re feeling, you become more in control and are able reduce the feelings of anxiety and take action to either remove yourself from the situation or manage your breathing.

3. Rationalise the situation

Feelings of anxiety and stress can easily get out of hand when your mind fears the worst. By challenging your initial thoughts and rationalising the situation, you can talk yourself into feeling calmer. Instead of thinking the worst or imagining ‘what if’ scenarios, ask yourself what advice you’d give to someone in your situation if you weren’t feeling stressed.

4. Exercise

Exercise is a great way to release any negative emotions as it releases serotonin and endorphins in the brain and can help relieve stress and anxiety and make you feel calmer. These feel-good neurotransmitters improve your overall mental wellbeing by boosting your immune system, making you feel happier and helping you to relax. It’s also great for improving your sleep which is often disturbed when you’re feeling anxious or stressed.

Find out more

For more about stress and ways to manage it, download our FREE booklet "The Stress Factor - Your Guide To Stress" >