How to Relieve Family Pressures

Owing to the demanding nature of modern life, families often face numerous pressures that can take a toll on the mental wellbeing of family members. Balancing work, parenting, finances and other commitments can sometimes create an environment of stress and tension. But by promoting open communication, spending quality time together, sharing responsibilities, setting realistic expectations and focusing on self-care, we can provide a supportive environment within our family where we can thrive. With the right strategies in place, we can begin to relieve family pressures.

Open communication

One of the most effective ways of alleviating family pressures is by establishing and encouraging open communication at home. Sharing thoughts, concerns and emotions can create a supportive environment where our family members are more likely to empathise and provide assistance when needed. According to a study conducted by the American Psychological Association, families that engage in frequent and quality communication experience reduced stress levels and improved wellbeing.

Quality time

Spending quality time together is essential for creating strong family relationships. By dedicating regular times for enjoying activities together we can create meaningful experiences that build our connections and strengthen our bond as a family. Taking part in activities such as playing board games, going on family trips or enjoying hobbies together can help alleviate stress and anxiety.

Acknowledging the stressors

Because of our busy schedules, the pressures of family life can often get swept under the carpet as we struggle to cope with day-to-day life. However, if we don’t deal with issues as they arise, this can have a long-term impact on our mental health. Before we can deal with any stress or anxiety, we must first identify the root cause. One of the best ways to do this is by making a list of the things that create negative emotions within the family and ask family members to do the same.

Shared responsibilities

Family pressures often stem from overwhelming responsibilities that are distributed unevenly within the household. Distributing tasks and chores equally among family members allows for a sense of shared responsibility and helps ease the burden on individuals. This approach promotes a supportive and cooperative environment where everyone contributes, reducing strain on individual family members.

Setting realistic expectations

In today's online world, it is easy to compare our lives with others, and this can cause feelings of inadequacy and pressure to live up to false standards. Setting realistic expectations for ourselves and our loved ones is crucial for preserving our self-esteem. When we recognise and appreciate our individual strengths and limitations, we can encourage personal growth and avoid unnecessary comparisons and unrealistic expectations.

Prioritising self-care

To effectively manage family pressures, it’s important for every family member to prioritise self-care. We should try to maintain regular sleep patterns, exercise and healthy eating habits, as they play a major part in looking after our mental health. We can also support each of our family members by encouraging them to pursue activities they find enjoyable and fulfilling, as this can nurture individual growth and form a strong basis for family unity.

Managing family conflict at Christmas - FREE webinar!

If you think that Christmas may be a time when family pressure and conflict will arise, why not sign up to attend our webinar "Managing Family Conflict At Christmas", which is taking place on Monday 18 December from 12-12.45pm GMT.  

Find out more and book your FREE place today!

Student mental health – the issues students face

Going to university or college can be exciting and fun - with new people, a new course and often a new location with a new place to live. That's a lot of new things and because of the large amount of change, going away to study can also bring about feelings of anxiety and stress. 

Indeed a study carried out during the covid pandemic found that students were more likely than the general population to report higher levels of anxiety and lower levels of happiness. 

Some reasons why students struggle

Students are often away from home and therefore away from their emotional support network of family and friends. They may be required to work in a way they are not used to with more autonomy and greater pressure to meet deadlines and achieve good results. Add to this the financial worries that many students have and you can see why students may struggle with their mental health.

Seeking help - some issues

Universities and colleges often have a wellbeing service and this can be a great place to go for free help. However not all mental health provision is equal and educational institutions differ greatly in the quality and amount of support they can offer students. 

A study carried out this year by Tab (a student news site) and the Campaign Against Living Miserably (a suicide prevention charity) found that out of 4,000 students surveyed, a large proportion reported living with some form of mental health issue and more than half had not wanted to seek help from their university. They also found that 65% of the students who had sought help from their education institution, were not happy with the help they received. 

It's worth remembering that our students are alone in a strange location with new routines, new friends, and a new focus. They are perhaps having to acquire new life skills such as cooking, managing their own financial affairs, organising themselves, etc. 

It's perhaps not surprising that anxiety has been highlighted by the Tab/CALM survey results as being the most common mental health issue faced by students, and stress and loneliness are also common issues. It's clear that students need a good quality mental health service to support their needs during this time of great upheaval. 

Additional issues faced by those studying abroad

Those who study abroad may face additional challenges such as being in a new culture with new ways of doing things, not feeling able to express themselves fully, additional academic pressure, and family and friends being further away and less able to offer emotional support.

Parents of students

Parents of students may feel concerned for the wellbeing of their grown up child. It can be hard to see them move away and struggle, especially when you know that they are having to make new friends and may feel more alone than usual. It can be reassuring to see your young person during the holidays but it can also throw up feelings of worry and fear for their wellbeing. 

Resources and help

• Download our free booklets and workbooks on a range of mental wellbeing topics. 
• Find out more about our therapy, coaching and wellbeing services for students. We are located in several popular university cities including Newcastle, Aberdeen, Dundee, Edinburgh, and Glasgow

The Healing Power of Laughter

Laughter is a universal language that has the power to bring people together, to ease tension and to heal. When we laugh, we experience a release of tension, an uplifted mood and a carefree moment that allows us to momentarily forget our worries. It is no wonder that laughter has long been recognised for its immense impact on our mental wellbeing.

The science behind laughter

Laughter triggers the release of endorphins in our brain, which are known as 'feel-good' hormones. These endorphins promote a sense of happiness and contentment, reducing stress levels and enhancing our overall wellbeing. Not only does laughter stimulate the brain's reward system, but it also releases tension, stimulates blood circulation and boosts our immune system.

A study published by the National Library of Medicine states that “Laughter has been shown to exert stress-reducing effects by suppressing the bioactivities of epinephrine, cortisol, and 3,4-dihydrophenylacetic acid (a major dopamine catabolite). Reduced neurotransmitter activities, including norepinephrine, serotonin, and dopamine are linked to depression, and laughter is shown to enhance dopamine and serotonin activities.”

Some health benefits of laughter

Stress reduction

Laughter acts as a natural stress reliever, offering momentary respite from our daily anxieties. Studies have shown that laughter reduces the levels of stress hormones such as cortisol, while increasing the production of antibodies that strengthen our immune system. By reducing stress, laughter can have a positive effect on our mental and physical health.

Enhanced mood

Laughter has the power to improve our mood, even in the most challenging of circumstances. It helps to shift our perspective, enabling us to find humour and positivity in difficult situations. Through laughter, we can find joy in the everyday moments, creating a more optimistic outlook on life.

Increased resilience

Life is filled with ups and downs, and developing emotional resilience is vital for maintaining mental wellbeing. Laughing in the face of adversity allows us to put things into perspective and to bounce back from setbacks more easily. By embracing the healing power of laughter, we can build emotional strength and overcome life's challenges with more ease.

Strengthened connections

Laughter is contagious and has the ability to connect people on a deeper level. Sharing a laugh with others promotes social bonding and empathy and strengthens relationships. It breaks down walls, facilitates open communication and creates a sense of belonging. In times of stress or loneliness, the healing power of laughter can bridge gaps and bring people closer together.

Applying laughter in daily life

Seek out humour

Make it a habit to surround yourself with things that make you laugh. Watch funny movies or sitcoms, read humorous books or engage in activities that bring you joy. Find humour and laughter in the small moments of life, as well as in challenging situations.

Connect with others

Engage in social activities that encourage laughter and light-hearted interactions. Spend time with friends and loved ones who have a positive outlook and a good sense of humour. Laughter is infectious, so being around those who make you laugh can significantly enhance your mental wellbeing.

Embrace laughter therapy

Laughter therapy uses laughter exercises and techniques to induce laughter. It is designed to activate the body's natural relaxation response, boost mood and promote wellbeing. Consider incorporating laughter therapy into your wellness routine.

Ways to Cope with Social Anxiety

In today's fast-paced and interconnected world, social anxiety has become increasingly prevalent. People with social anxiety experience intense fear and discomfort in social situations, making everyday interactions a significant challenge.

Social anxiety can be crippling, affecting various aspects of our lives. Thankfully, there are numerous strategies that we can employ to cope effectively and improve our overall wellbeing. By incorporating mindfulness practices, challenging negative thoughts, engaging in gradual exposure, adopting a healthy lifestyle or seeking professional support, we can manage social anxiety symptoms and lead a more fulfilling life.

1. Practise mindfulness

Mindfulness techniques have proven effective in managing social anxiety. Mindfulness involves redirecting one's attention to the present moment, allowing us to observe our thoughts and feelings without judgment. By cultivating mindfulness, we can gain insight into our anxiety triggers and learn to respond in a more adaptive manner.

A study conducted by Hofmann et al. found that individuals who engaged in an 8-week mindfulness-based stress reduction programme experienced significant reductions in social anxiety symptoms.

For more about Mindfulness download our free booklet 'Your Guide to Mindfulness' >

2. Challenge negative thoughts

Social anxiety is often characterised by negative self-beliefs and distorted thoughts about our social performance. To overcome this, we must try to challenge and replace these negative thoughts with more realistic and positive ones. Engaging in cognitive restructuring exercises, such as identifying evidence that supports or disproves anxious thoughts, can help us break free from the cycle of negativity.

3. Gradual exposure

Gradual exposure is an evidence-based technique used to help confront and overcome social fears. By systematically exposing ourselves to anxiety-inducing situations, starting with those of lower intensity, we can gradually build confidence and tolerance. Consistent exposure to anxiety-provoking scenarios helps desensitise and rewire the brain, reducing social anxiety symptoms over time.

4. Self-care and healthy lifestyle habits

Taking care of both physical and emotional wellbeing is essential in managing social anxiety. Engaging in regular exercise, maintaining a balanced diet and getting enough restful sleep can significantly impact mood and reduce anxiety symptoms. Incorporating stress reduction techniques into daily routines, such as deep breathing exercises, meditation or yoga, also promotes relaxation and helps regulate anxiety levels.

5. Seek support

Seeking support from professionals, such as therapists or counsellors specialising in anxiety disorders, can be immensely beneficial for anyone with social anxiety. These experts can provide guidance, tools and techniques tailored to specific needs. Additionally, support groups or online communities can provide a sense of belonging and a place for sharing experiences in a supportive and empathic environment.

Remember, it’s important to be patient and kind to yourself when overcoming social anxiety. Implementing these strategies consistently can empower us to overcome our fears and enhance our overall wellbeing.

Further information

For more about social anxiety, read our free booklet: 'Understanding and Managing Social Anxiety: a Workbook and Guide' >

Why Regret Can Prevent Us From Moving Forward

Regret is a complex emotion that we all experience at some point in our lives. It arises when we feel remorse or sorrow over past actions or decisions. However, dwelling on regret can hinder our ability to move forward and our overall sense of wellbeing and personal growth. 

The paralysing effect of regret

The Guardian spoke to cognitive behaviour therapist, Windy Dryden, who says that “when we are trapped in this cycle of regret, characterised by rigidity and inflexibility, we only seem able to blame ourselves for what has happened, rather than seeing our behaviour in a wider context and understanding why we took the path we did based on the information we had at the time. Under these conditions, regret will become toxic.”

The weight of the past

Regret has the power to hold us captive in the past. When we become consumed by thoughts of what could have been, we lose sight of the present moment and our potential for progress. Constantly replaying past mistakes or choices prevents us from embracing new opportunities and may lead to chronic dissatisfaction and feelings of stagnation.

Learning from regret

While it is natural to contemplate past decisions, dwelling on regret without learning from it can be detrimental. Each misstep or wrong turn serves as an opportunity for personal growth and valuable life lessons. Regretful experiences can teach us about our values and priorities and help us refine our decision-making processes. Acknowledging the lessons imparted by regret can enable us to use them as stepping stones toward mental wellbeing.

Regret as a tool for self-reflection

Regret can serve as a powerful catalyst for self-reflection. By critically examining the choices and actions that led to regret, we can gain a deeper understanding of ourselves and our desires. This introspection allows us to uncover our core values and develop a clearer sense of direction. Confronting regret can ultimately point us towards the path that aligns with our personal goals and aspirations.

The paralysing nature of regret

While some introspection is beneficial, excessive rumination on past mistakes breeds inaction and self-doubt. The paralysing nature of regret can lead to a fear of making new choices or taking risks for fear of repeating past errors. This cycle of inaction perpetuates regret, trapping us in a vicious circle that hinders personal growth and wellbeing.

Letting go of regret

To move forward and cultivate a sense of wellbeing, it is essential to shed the weight of regret. Accepting that mistakes are inherent in life allows us to embrace forgiveness, both for ourselves and others. By forgiving ourselves, we release the negative emotions surrounding our regrets and free ourselves to pursue new opportunities and future endeavours.

Embracing resilience and adaptability

Shifting our mindset to one of resilience and adaptability is key in overcoming regret. Rather than dwelling on the past, we can focus on cultivating positive changes in the present. Embracing our ability to bounce back from setbacks and adapt to new circumstances empowers us to move forward with confidence and resilience.

Welcome Hygge into Your World

Imagine yourself sat beside a log-burning fire on a cold night, cuddling your dog, wearing your favourite pair of fluffy socks, and wrapped in a blanket, while drinking a warm beverage. This image captures what is implied by the Danish concept of 'Hygge'.

What is Hygge?

Hygge is a defining characteristic of Danish culture, developed to combat the difficult feelings and decline of wellbeing commonly experienced through the long, dark winter months. Pronounced as “h-oo-g-a,” this Danish concept, when translated reads as 'coziness' and is defined as the coziness that facilitates a person to feel comfortable, content and promotes good wellbeing.

The framework of hygge requires allocating time away from your fast-paced life to be in a positive, present environment which encourages relaxation and the enjoyment of more peaceful pleasures in life. The essential components of this framework are togetherness, presence, relaxation, comfort, and indulgence. The details of where, when or what that looks like, are entirely individual to you. The objective is to create an experience of warmth, comfort, and contentment; you choose how to achieve this. 

Hygge is an effective way of increasing happiness and general wellbeing that is available to everyone and can be achieved within a small financial budget. In fact, the practice of Hygge reflects the understanding that wealth and wellbeing are not definitively dependent on the other. 

The practice of Hygge provides a way of enhancing personal potential, improving emotional and physical wellbeing as well as creating a happier society. Some examples of the ways Hygge can be beneficial are listed below. There are many, many more!

• Reduces loneliness and strengthens relationships 
• Increases happiness and self-esteem 
• Increases resilience 
• Reduces depression / anxiety 
• Contributes to a greater quality of life 
• Reduces stress levels 
• Encourages relaxation and improved sleep
• Reduces risk of poor coping strategies (e.g. excessive drinking, etc) 
• A positive coping-strategy for seasonal-affective disorders 

Practise Hygge all year round

Importantly, it doesn’t have to be cold, dark night with a blanket of snow hiding the path from those wrapped up warm while wandering the streets. Hygge isn’t limited to the winter months. It can be practised all year round, in a variety of settings. Below is a list of suggestions as to how you can welcome Hygge into your life.

Some tips for practising Hygge

1. Establish your safe space to optimise your experience of Hygge. Settling into an environment that complements your approach to achieving relaxation and presence is essential. In creating this space, consider your five senses:

Sight: the lighting: soft, dull sources of light are preferable to strong, harsh lights when your intention is to indulge in comfort and relaxation.

Smell: consider using scented candles, fresh flowers, or your favourite scent to enhance your comfort in the space.

Hearing: select a gentle playlist, a good audiobook or just enjoy the peace and quiet.

Taste: Treat yourself to a beverage (hot or cold) and your favourite comfort snacks to indulge in.

Touch: select different textures that please you – a soft pillow, a heavy blanket, or wear your favourite comfy clothes.

2. Do it together. Hygge is an action that can be done independently or with others – it is entirely up to you! Typically, humans are social beings, and therefore there are many benefits to a shared approach. Inviting others to practise Hygge with you can benefit the relationships you share and enhance your reflective experiences, through conversations like, “Do you remember that time when …?” Often these chats end in laughter and increased gratitude, both are captured in the aims of Hygge.

3. Eat and drink. Enjoying a hot drink provides you with inner warmth that can enhance your ability to relax. Drink it at a slow pace, allowing yourself the opportunity to savour the flavour and sensation. Along with a supply of your favourite comfort foods, you are optimising your Hygge experience. Treat yourself!

4. Log-off, switch-off and unplug. Taking a break from social media, or that dreaded inbox full of emails, provides you the space to be present and focus on your personal desires and pleasures, without the pressures or judgements of social comparison. Instead, you can occupy your time with some journalling, read a book, or simply reflect on the quieter pleasures in your life.

5. Engage with nature. Decorate your safe space with houseplants, seashells, or other pieces of nature, or alternatively head out to the hills or by a river, lake or the sea. The sounds, smells and positivity of nature can provide you with a Hygge experience where you can savour the simple moments and appreciate the little things around you. As well as promoting exercise and physical wellbeing, this is a great way to take time out of your busy routine to escape to nature, where we are more inclined to be present and stress-free.

Understanding And Managing Seasonal Affective Disorder

As the clocks in the UK go back this weekend, we're taking a look at Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) and why the reduced light matters to our mental health. 

Seasonal Affective Disorder

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is a type of depression that people experience in relation to a specific season and time of the year. SAD is not a standalone condition: the DSM-5, the manual of mental disorders, classifies it as a specifier for major depressive disorder (MDD). In fact, the symptoms of SAD are similar to those of Major Depressive Disorder, such as feelings of sadness, hopelessness, guilt, worthlessness, loss of interest, changes in appetite and weight.

SAD is most commonly experienced during the winter months, as shorter days and a reduced amount of sunlight hours are thought to be associated with changes in brain chemicals, leading to the experience of depressive symptoms. For example, the production of vitamin D, which is crucial for mental wellbeing, requires exposure to UV light, which is limited during the winter. Similarly, shorter days can have an impact on our circadian rhythm, our body’s natural sleep-wake cycle system. As this is the body’s way of regulating and managing our functions and processes, changes to this rhythm might also lead to experiences of poor mental health. Nonetheless, SAD symptoms can also arise during the warmer seasons. These might include increased anxiety and discomfort in relation to higher temperatures and longer days.

Do you experience SAD?

Do you find yourself:

• being less motivated,
• losing interest in daily activities,
• feeling more tired than usual when the winter months are about to begin? 

Although these sensations can be natural and are part of the human experience, they might also be related to SAD.

According to a recent NHS survey, SAD affects almost 2 million people in the United Kingdom. In Northen Europe, the estimated number of people experiencing SAD is 12 million. Countries such as Sweden, Finland and Norway are thought to be the most affected due to the very limited amount of sunlight during the winter. In these countries, 6.5% of residents have been diagnosed with a severe form of SAD, with women being significantly more affected than men.

What you can do if you are experiencing SAD

If you think you might be suffering from SAD, it is important to seek adequate support. Although the cause of SAD is unclear, it can still be helpful to talk to your GP or to a mental health professional, as they can suggest resources and tips to manage your symptoms. Additionally, there are some general guidelines that people who experience SAD might find helpful to make their experience more manageable.

1. Try to get as much sunlight as possible
Make the most of the daylight hours. Even if the weather is cloudy, stepping outside and getting some fresh air can be beneficial.

2. Exercise
Exercising regularly is a well-known ally in the maintenance of our overall health. You can also try to exercise outside if the weather allows you to.

3. Create a routine
Mental health issues can severely impact our daily lives. To account for this, try and keep a routine, featuring habits of self-care and time with others.

4. Consider seeking help
As a mental health issue, SAD can also be treated with anti-depressants which may help you manage feelings of sadness and improve your day to day life.

Learning How to Embrace the Ageing Process

As we journey through life, one thing remains constant: the inevitability of ageing. Yet, in a society that glorifies youth and perpetuates the idea of eternal youthfulness, it can be challenging to embrace the ageing process.

Growing older comes with both mental and physical issues and our health can be affected by many factors. In a study published on Frontiers it states that “multiple social, psychological and biological factors are determinant of mental health, as well as life stressors. Among these, the lack of independence, limited mobility, chronic diseases, pain, frailty or other mental and physical problems, require long-term care.”

However, with the right mindset, a shift in perspective and a healthy lifestyle we can slow down the ageing process and maintain optimal wellbeing.

Ways to embrace the ageing process

1. Acceptance

The first step towards embracing the ageing process is acceptance. Ageing is a natural part of life, and it offers us a multitude of experiences and wisdom that can only be gained with time. Instead of resisting the passage of years, we must learn to accept it gracefully. By accepting the reality of growing older, we can free ourselves from the shackles of societal pressures and expectations.

2. Self-care and wellness

Embracing the ageing process goes hand in hand with self-care and wellness. Take the time to nurture your physical, emotional and mental wellbeing. Engage in regular exercise, practise mindfulness and prioritise a healthy diet. By taking care of ourselves, we can enhance our overall wellbeing and approach ageing with a more positive mindset.

3. Reflection and awareness

Ageing provides us with an opportunity for self-reflection and introspection. With each passing year, we accumulate experiences, failures and successes. Take time to reflect on these moments and learn from them. Embrace the lessons that life has taught you and let them shape you into a wiser and more compassionate individual.

4. Embracing change

Change is an integral part of the ageing process, and it is crucial to embrace it rather than fear it. Embracing change allows us to adapt and grow, fostering personal development and resilience. Whether it's changes in appearance, relationships or lifestyle, approach them with an open mind. Embrace the transformations and make the most of the opportunities they bring.

5. Wisdom and experience

One of the most valuable aspects of ageing is the wisdom and experience we acquire. Our years provide us with a unique perspective that can only be gained through time. Embrace this wisdom and share it with others. Take pride in your experiences and use them to inspire and help those around you.


Ageing is not something to be feared or avoided. Rather, it is a journey that allows us to grow, learn and discover the true essence of life. By accepting the ageing process and embracing the changes that accompany it, we can lead fulfilling lives filled with wisdom, grace and positivity.

How Nature can Enhance our Wellbeing

In an era of technology and smartphones, we are experiencing a growing disconnection from our natural surroundings. In fact, we frequently overlook our profound relationship with nature, and the benefits of nurturing that connection. A growing body of research is investigating the positive effects that interacting with nature can have on our overall wellbeing.

How does nature impact us?

There are various ways in which nature can have positive effects on our overall health. This is based on the notion that humans are a component of the natural ecosystem, and as such they are interconnected with it and affected by it. For example, it was demonstrated that even just the sight of a natural environment from a hospital window can help facilitate a faster recovery. Similarly, nature sounds have been demonstrated to have a relaxing effect and to help with recovery from stress. One theory proposes that as natural environments are less perceptually demanding than urban scenes, they require less attention, which allows our brains to relax more.

How to incorporate more nature time in our daily lives

With our busy schedules, it might be difficult to find time to spend in nature. Here are some easy ways to incorporate more nature into your daily life.

1. Move your activities outside

Even if you live in a city, parks, rivers, and natural spots might be available to you. If that is the case, think if you can for example take your lunch break outside, or if you can walk to work instead of driving or taking public transportation.

2. Exercise in nature

A walk, a jog, a workout session – whatever your exercise of choice is, think if you can move your practice outside.

3. Start a hobby that involves nature

Some of these might be gardening, hiking, camping, or bird watching.

4. Bring nature inside

It has been shown that having plants, flowers, and natural smells in our house or office can improve mood and reduce anxiety. If spending time outside is not as accessible to you, think if you can find a way to decorate your space with natural elements.

5. Try Ecotherapy

Ecotherapy (also known as green therapy or nature therapy) is a nature-based approach to therapy and overall wellbeing. Nature has been shown to have great positive effects on mental and physical health, with evidence of reduced depression and anxiety symptoms. Ecotherapy involves a wide range of activities, such as horticultural therapy, wilderness therapy, or pet therapy.

Nature for everyone

Spending more time in nature can be beneficial for anyone, regardless of age, background, or circumstances. If you struggle with mental health issues, time in nature has been shown to promote relaxation, reduce symptoms of anxiety and improve overall wellbeing. Nature is also beneficial for neurodivergent individuals as it can provide a non-judgemental environment where they can experience sensory engagement, emotional regulation, and social interaction. It's not just adults who can benefit either, spending time in nature can positively impact the physical and mental health of children too, as well as promoting their cognitive development, confidence, and self-esteem. Lastly, connecting with nature can foster a sense of responsibility and promote an engagement with the conservation of our planet.

Coming soon! Our new booklet on Ecotherapy

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Ways to Build a Better Relationship with Your Parents

Relationships with parents or caregivers can be complex and families come in many different shapes and sizes. The idea of a traditional, nuclear family is no longer relevant in today’s society. However you were raised and whoever provided care for you is still integral to your future and personal identity so it’s important to understand your relationship and how it can be improved.

Firstly, you might want to ask yourself the following questions to gain clarity on whether you have a healthy or unhealthy relationship and if it needs to improve:

• Can you talk openly with your parents without fear of judgement?
• Do you feel that your parents are controlling?
• Do you feel loved?

As we become adults, our relationships with our parents can change, possibly because they don’t have as much control as they once did, and sometimes this can put a strain on our bond.

The importance of a healthy relationship

The relationships we have with our parents are some of the most important and influential that we’ll ever have because they can determine how we perceive the world and ourselves. In a report by the American Psychological Association it states that:

“Parents and caregivers make sure children are healthy and safe, equip them with the skills and resources to succeed as adults, and transmit basic cultural values to them. Parents and caregivers offer their children love, acceptance, appreciation, encouragement, and guidance. They provide the most intimate context for the nurturing and protection of children as they develop their personalities and identities and also as they mature physically, cognitively, emotionally, and socially.”

But what if that isn’t how you were raised or what if your parents didn’t live up to idealisations and expectations? Regardless of how they raised you, they will undoubtedly have had a huge role in shaping the person you are today. For some people, their parents may have caused some internal scarring which has affected their mental wellbeing. Perhaps they lack self-confidence or struggle to maintain healthy personal relationships due to not knowing how to demonstrate love or forgiveness.

Ways to improve our relationships with our parents

Before we can begin to make changes, it’s important to remember that our parents or caregivers are human, and nobody is perfect. However, that doesn’t excuse all behaviours, but we should be realistic and understand the difference between a healthy and unhealthy relationship.

1. Know what kind of relationship you want and communicate that clearly without attacking or judgement.
2. Be accountable for your own identity. As adults, we choose our own identity and although we might feel resentment or want to blame our parents for how we’ve turned out, we can still choose our behaviours.
3. Practise self-love and acceptance rather than relying on your parents. People are different and have different views on the world but that shouldn’t form the basis of an unhealthy parental relationship.
4. Put boundaries in place. As an adult you can decide what you’re willing to accept in your life and it’s okay to set boundaries, even for your parents. Whether that’s not allowing them to come into your home without consent, dictating how you live your life or criticising your friends/partner.

Coping with Shock

Throughout your lifetime it’s likely you will be taken by surprise on several occasions and while sometimes surprises are good, other times they can be upsetting and traumatic. When we’re taken off guard by a sudden event, we can go into shock, and this can have major effects on both our body and mind. Some types of shock might be less alarming than others, for example, a sudden noise might frighten you or someone might bump into you on the street. But it’s the more concerning kinds of shock that can really send your head into a spin, such as an unexpected death of someone close to you or a serious accident.

How does shock affect us?

Negative types of shock that stem from traumatic situations can cause many different physical and emotional responses and you might experience some of the following effects:

• Increased heart rate
• Rapid breathing
• Anxiety
• Sense of fear
• Nausea
• Stomach problems
• Tight chest
• Stress

According to Psychology Today, “The hallmark symptom of shock is feeling a surge of adrenalin… You may feel jittery or physically sick, like you’re going to vomit or have [diarrhoea]. Your mind will likely feel very foggy, or like you can’t think straight. You may feel out of body. Your chest may feel tight. You may feel a disconnection from what’s happening, like you’re watching a movie of events unfolding rather than actually being there. You may feel intense anger and want to scream or yell”.

As well as experiencing physical symptoms, shock can also affect the way we think and how we perceive the world around us, making us feel out of control of our lives. How people deal with shock can vary from one person to another, with some being more resilient and able to control their feelings and emotions. However, if you find yourself struggling with your mental wellbeing following a trauma, there are ways that you can learn how to cope better.

How to cope with shock?

If your mental health has suffered from a recent trauma and you’re finding it difficult to cope, try practising the below exercises to feel more in control and improve your wellbeing.

Try to breathe deeply and calm down. When you’re in shock it’s hard to think clearly and often people make rash decisions or behave irrationally. If you can just allow yourself a few minutes to breathe and let your body calm down, it will help to clear your mind, making you respond in a more rational way.

Process your thoughts and feelings. Because shock can cause us to go into fight or flight mode, often we don’t allow ourselves enough time to come to terms with a traumatic event. By giving yourself some time and space to process everything or simply by speaking with someone, you can start to deal with your emotions.

Practise self-care. Eating healthy foods, having a good sleep pattern and exercising regularly can all help your mind and body to handle challenging and traumatic situations better, which means you are less likely to suffer from anxiety, stress and depression.

Occupy your mind. Although it’s important to confront your emotions, it’s also important to distract your mind from time to time with activities that give you space to recover from shock. Doing something that you enjoy, such as watching your favourite film, spending time with friends or walking in the countryside can boost your mood and improve your wellbeing.