Coping with Shock

Throughout your lifetime it’s likely you will be taken by surprise on several occasions and while sometimes surprises are good, other times they can be upsetting and traumatic. When we’re taken off guard by a sudden event, we can go into shock, and this can have major effects on both our body and mind. Some types of shock might be less alarming than others, for example, a sudden noise might frighten you or someone might bump into you on the street. But it’s the more concerning kinds of shock that can really send your head into a spin, such as an unexpected death of someone close to you or a serious accident.

How does shock affect us?

Negative types of shock that stem from traumatic situations can cause many different physical and emotional responses and you might experience some of the following effects:

• Increased heart rate
• Rapid breathing
• Anxiety
• Sense of fear
• Nausea
• Stomach problems
• Tight chest
• Stress

According to Psychology Today, “The hallmark symptom of shock is feeling a surge of adrenalin… You may feel jittery or physically sick, like you’re going to vomit or have [diarrhoea]. Your mind will likely feel very foggy, or like you can’t think straight. You may feel out of body. Your chest may feel tight. You may feel a disconnection from what’s happening, like you’re watching a movie of events unfolding rather than actually being there. You may feel intense anger and want to scream or yell”.

As well as experiencing physical symptoms, shock can also affect the way we think and how we perceive the world around us, making us feel out of control of our lives. How people deal with shock can vary from one person to another, with some being more resilient and able to control their feelings and emotions. However, if you find yourself struggling with your mental wellbeing following a trauma, there are ways that you can learn how to cope better.

How to cope with shock?

If your mental health has suffered from a recent trauma and you’re finding it difficult to cope, try practising the below exercises to feel more in control and improve your wellbeing.

Try to breathe deeply and calm down. When you’re in shock it’s hard to think clearly and often people make rash decisions or behave irrationally. If you can just allow yourself a few minutes to breathe and let your body calm down, it will help to clear your mind, making you respond in a more rational way.

Process your thoughts and feelings. Because shock can cause us to go into fight or flight mode, often we don’t allow ourselves enough time to come to terms with a traumatic event. By giving yourself some time and space to process everything or simply by speaking with someone, you can start to deal with your emotions.

Practise self-care. Eating healthy foods, having a good sleep pattern and exercising regularly can all help your mind and body to handle challenging and traumatic situations better, which means you are less likely to suffer from anxiety, stress and depression.

Occupy your mind. Although it’s important to confront your emotions, it’s also important to distract your mind from time to time with activities that give you space to recover from shock. Doing something that you enjoy, such as watching your favourite film, spending time with friends or walking in the countryside can boost your mood and improve your wellbeing.

Embracing Hope for Healing

‘…Hope is the thing with feathers

That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all…’ 

                      Emily Dickinson

Hope is a complex concept that has interested people from many disciplines. Research suggests that having hope can impact the outcome of an event and this is supported by research on hope in the process of counselling/therapy.

What is hope?

The American Psychological Society, Dictionary of Psychology defines hope as ‘The expectation that one will have positive experiences or that a potentially threatening or negative situation will not materialise or will ultimately result in a favourable state of affairs’.

How do we experience hope?

Have you ever felt a strong sense of hope for a future goal or desire while also experiencing some degree of loss of hope or despair? If so, this may be because of the way we experience hope. We view it from different perspectives at the same time – emotional, motivational, social, and identity-related – and may feel differently about it from each perspective. This can result in a complex overall experience.

Is hope important in therapy?

Previous research suggests that the way we perceive our routes to desired goals, and emotional hope (such as feeling trust), are strongly associated with subjective wellbeing. In addition, researchers found that hope plays a significant role in providing motivation and strength to individuals affected by trauma, depression, and anxiety.

One theory is that individuals begin therapy with a diverse range of opposing emotions, even in the initial stages when emotions such as sadness or feeling demoralised may be greater than emotions like joy or happiness. Researchers believe that talking about hope may enable an individual to focus on their strengths, which could then support positive change.

How to foster hope

Stay connected: Social connections can have a positive impact on mental wellbeing. Take time to nurture meaningful relationships and share experiences with those in your life. This may give you a sense of belonging.

Practise self-compassion: Practising self-compassion can increase your emotional resilience in the face of adversity. Treat yourself kindly and accept your emotions.

Set yourself realistic goals: Set yourself SMART goals (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant and Time-bound) which can bring you a sense of achievement and hope.

Be open to new experiences: Be curious about what life may have to offer you and approach new opportunities in an open and welcoming way. This can help facilitate personal growth through new experiences.

Give yourself enough credit: Acknowledge your past achievements. This can help you reflect on your strengths and increase your confidence in your ability to overcome difficulties.

Ask for help: Every individual needs help at some point in their lives. This makes us human. You can request help from a trained mental health professional or from someone you trust. It’s important to prioritise your needs and ask for help when needed and it can help you normalise your emotions and experiences.

Further information

Please click here for further reading list/references >

This guest blog was written by Dudu Ozlevent. Dudu works as an Applied Psychology Practitioner at First Psychology Glasgow and First Psychology Online.

Why We Need Closure After a Breakup

Most of you will have experienced a breakup at some time in your life and whether the relationship was long or short term, it can be traumatic and upsetting if you were heavily invested in the person. Even if the breakup was amicable, you might need to seek closure before you can begin to heal and move on from the experience.

What is closure?

Although you might be searching for closure following a breakup, you might not know how this can be achieved to deal with your emotional trauma. So, what is closure? According to Very Well Mind, closure of a relationship is “having a sense of understanding, peace, and accepted finality of the relationship whether it’s ended because of loss, rejection, or growing apart.” In short, it allows you to come to terms with the breakup, work through your emotions and move on.

Why do we need closure?

When a relationship ends, it’s likely you will feel lots of negative emotions, which can impact your mental wellbeing if they aren’t managed properly. Some of the feelings and emotions you might experience include:

• Anger
• Resentment
• Sadness
• Low self-esteem
• Despair
• Confusion
• Guilt 

If you find yourself dwelling too much on the past and are unable to make peace with your situation, these kinds of emotions can lead to anxiety and depression so it’s important to gain closure in order to gain more a positive state of mind and move forward with your life.

How to find closure

Closure isn’t just about getting answers to your questions, such as “why didn’t my relationship work out?”, “Did I do something wrong?” or “Should I have done something differently”. Sometimes, no matter how many questions you ask, you will never feel satisfied with the answers. Instead, you need to learn to find peace within yourself, let go of negative feelings, forgive and move towards a brighter future.

But how do you do that? Finding closure of a past relationship and breakup is a personal journey for each individual and while one thing might work for one person, it may not be advantageous for another. However, there are some methods that are universal and can be of great help to everyone.

Reflect. Sometimes it’s easier to brush tricky situations under the carpet and push your emotions aside, but in the long term these negative emotions can rear their head and affect your future relationships. By reflecting on your experience and being objective, you’re allowing your mind to understand and process your feelings.

Communicate. Although you might not get all the answers you’re seeking, communicating with the other person in an honest and open way can help you come to terms with the situation and prevent you from harbouring grudges. Also, speaking with a close friend or family member can be extremely therapeutic and will help you to release any negative thoughts and emotions.

Focus on the future. One of the best ways to move on from difficult breakups is to turn your attention to activities that you enjoy, helping you focus on a brighter future. For example, spend more time on a hobby you love, take up a new sport or throw your mental energy into getting that promotion at work you’ve been hankering after.

Write a letter. While writing a letter to your ex-partner can be a valuable exercise, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to send it to them. Just by putting your thoughts down on paper and explaining how you feel can be a fantastic outlet for your emotions.

Practising these closure exercises should help you regain your self-confidence and self-esteem and heal emotionally, allowing you to move forward with a more positive outlook.

The Effects of Self-Sabotage

One of the lesser-discussed influences on mental health is self-sabotage. Perhaps this is because people aren’t even aware they are doing it or you might not even know what it means. So, what is self-sabotage, and how can it affect your mental wellbeing? And perhaps, most importantly, what steps can you take to stop it?

What is self-sabotage?

Self-sabotage is a form of destructive behaviour which is aimed at yourself. This can relate to work, relationships and other areas of your personal life. You may do these things knowingly, or in many cases, without being aware you are doing it at all.

Some examples of self-sabotage

• You apply for several jobs and obtain many interviews for roles you know you would enjoy but when the day of each interview arrives, you cancel. This could be a pattern that you know you repeat because you’d rather not attend an interview for a job you’d love than be disappointed by being unsuccessful.
• In a relationship that is going well you might do or say things that could push your partner away. Because you fear being rejected further down the line you would rather self-sabotage than be hurt by your partner in the future. 

Each of the above examples are of situations which can give you the satisfaction of thinking well, things just weren’t going to work out anyway. Yet this is only because you practise patterns of behaviour that achieve the same results each time. If you don’t attend for interview, then you don’t get the job you want and so that job is just always out of reach. When you sabotage relationships with the same behaviour each time, you have a reason for it not working out rather than feeling rejected and it damaging your self-esteem.

What causes self-sabotage?

Studies reveal that self-sabotage and self-destructive behaviour can stem from childhood trauma and is often due to low self-esteem and being unable to cope with stressful situations.

How do you stop self-sabotaging?

Although people self-sabotage to protect themselves, it can actually make them feel worse over time. You are never achieving what you see as your goals, be it a great job, a healthy relationship or being physically healthy. According to nursingmanagement.com, solving the problem of self- sabotage is not a 'quick fix'. You need to identify the specific behaviour that stops you achieving your goals. 

Tips to breaking the self-sabotage cycle

1. Recognise your triggers and your self-sabotaging behaviours. You might want to take time to reflect or find patterns in your behaviour. 
2. Practise mindfulness. This can help you shift your focus onto something else in a non-judgmental way, which can help prevent certain behaviours that lead to self-sabotage.
3. Be being kind to yourself. By showing yourself some kindness,  you can strengthen your emotional resilience so you’re able to cope better in stressful situations.
4. Learn how to become more accepting of failure ​and understand that it’s okay for things to not always go to plan. Often we self-sabotage because of our fear of failure or rejection, which can deter us from taking risks. 

The Importance of Friendships on Mental Health

There’s nothing quite as comforting as having a friend to spend time with, share memories with, and speak to in good times and in bad. Although spending time with friends can be fun, there is much more to friendships than social interaction but why exactly are they so important for your mental health?

What is a friend?

A friend is someone you want to share good news with, talk to in times of trouble, and confide in with personal aspects of your life. However, while for some people making friends is easy, for others it can be difficult. A lack of friends can lead to feelings of loneliness and self-confidence and over time, it can cause depression. Good friends can help you feel supported and respected and can also prevent loneliness.

Why can it be difficult to find friends?

You may have had close friends and drifted apart because life took you in different directions. Life changes such as marriage, children or career can put a strain on friendships especially if your friend feels they don’t fit into your lifestyle any longer. Likewise, if a friend has a child, they may not have as much time to socialise as they once did, or you may feel you don’t connect with them anymore as you can’t relate to this new part of their life. If a friend gets married or enters a serious relationship, they may spend more time with their partner and prioritise them rather than you.

Whether you had friends and no longer feel close to them, or you feel you don’t have any friends at all, it can have a negative impact on your mental health.

A lack of friendships can lead to:

• Low self-esteem. When you don’t have any friends, you may feel that you are unworthy of being loved.
• Being withdrawn. A person who doesn’t have meaningful friendships can become withdrawn from social, academic and workplace activities.
• Depression and suicidal thoughts. According to the NHS, young people who are struggling with friendships can feel worthless to the point of considering self-harm or suicide.

How can I make friends and maintain friendships?

It is inevitable that friendships change as people reach different milestones in their lives. Yet this doesn’t mean that friendships can’t be maintained. There can be periods when you won’t see a friend as often or you’ll need to accept that certain factors will change your friendship dynamic. Like any relationship, friendships can take work and so you may have to make a concerted effort to set aside time for friends. This can mean accepting that weekly nights out are a thing of the past with a friend who now has children, and that for a while your friendship will need to be conducted at home, over the phone or in child-friendly venues. If you feel a friend hasn’t been as present recently, tell them you’d love to see them more and put aside time to make it happen. Maintaining friendships sometimes means putting in more effort.

What if I can’t make friends?

If making friends is difficult, there are steps you can take to improve opportunities to find friends:

• Friendships can take time. Meeting someone new can be daunting, not only for you but for your potential new friend. They may not want to instantly meet up for coffee or to participate in activities with you and it may take time to trust in this new friendship. New friendships can begin with chatting on a regular basis be it at work or in a social environment and can be built up over time doing activities you both enjoy.
• Don’t be put off if a friendship doesn’t work out. Just because one friendship isn’t successful, doesn’t mean the next attempt won’t be.
• Take up a new hobby, class or sport. Meeting people with the same interests as you is a great way to find friends and by starting something new, you’ll also be having fun and broadening your experiences.
• Reach out to old friends. You may have fallen out with a friend over something trivial or simply lost touch over time. If there is someone you miss, consider getting in touch with them to rekindle your friendship.