Overcoming failure and moving on

There’s no doubt that failure can be a hard pill to swallow, but it can also teach us important lessons that spur us on to do bigger and better things.

Often, we create our own expectations and set ourselves unrealistic goals which in turn can lead to failure and disappointment. If we experience failure regularly, it can play havoc with our self-worth, leaving us anxious, stressed and lacking in confidence. So, what can we do to overcome failure and move on with a positive attitude?

Accept your feelings

If you fail at something that was particularly important to you, such as getting that dream job or losing at a competitive sport, the chances are it’s going to sting a little, especially when you didn’t see it coming. But that’s okay and it’s natural to feel disappointed. However, if you dwell for too long, your initial feelings can turn into more destructive emotions such as anger, resentment, and depression. You might start to believe that you’re a complete failure as you become more and more critical of yourself. Acknowledge how you feel, but then look at the reasons why you might have failed and tell yourself that you can learn from the experience and move on.

How to learn from failure

Although it might be painful initially, keep reminding yourself that one failure doesn’t mean you will fail every time. This is merely a temporary setback that will ultimately help you improve. Ask yourself the following questions:

• What caused me to fail? Wherever possible, ask for feedback. For example, if you didn’t get the job, ask why. It might just be that you didn’t have as much experience as the next interviewee, but this doesn’t reflect badly on you personally.
• How can I avoid the same mistakes next time? What can I do differently?
• Have I set myself an unrealistic goal or is this something I can achieve in the future with more practice/experience?

As you start to answer these questions, you’ll start to think more positively with a constructive mindset. It might even spark a new idea or challenge that could be even more exciting and within your grasp. 

Scientific American looked at a study carried out by Professor Wang and his colleagues on the dynamics of failure across science, startups and security.  Wang said: “You have to figure out what worked and what didn’t, and then focus on what needs to be improved instead of thrashing around and changing everything.” He believes that "Every winner begins as a loser".  What is clear from the study is that it not only takes persistence to become a winner, you have to learn from each previous failure along the way too. Simply trying and trying again is not the answer for success unless you do this. 

Don’t set yourself impossible goals

Sometimes we feel as though anything is possible and we can take on the world but remember to be realistic about your goals. Recognise your limitations to avoid setting yourself up for a fall. Maybe you are trying to run before you can walk so make sure you have a practical plan in place to help achieve your ambitions. By raising the bar too high and too quickly, you risk feeling worthless if you fail and haven’t prepared for it.

Expect the worst

By expecting the worst, this doesn’t mean we can’t hope for the best. But a simple exercise of imagining the worst outcome can mean that we have already dealt with failure before it happens. This also gives you the opportunity to have a back-up plan in place which will give you something positive to focus on should you fail.

Remind yourself of your successes

Finally, keep on reminding yourself of all the times you didn’t fail. This will stir up the positive emotions and feelings you had in previous times that made you feel great about yourself.