Friday, 28 September 2012

I’m just not that into you – part II

Following on from our previous blog, here are some other reasons for loss of sexual desire in relationships and things we can do to help.

The sexier one 
One partner may naturally have a higher or lower libido but equally others may be put off by their partner’s lack of energy or technique.

Being open with your partner is important. Talk about what turns you on or off and make suggestions without criticising or making your partner feel inadequate. Appreciate them for the effort they are making. If your partner has a higher sex drive then try to meet their needs to strengthen your bond and if it is lower, try to initiate sex at least once a month.

Anger is a passion killer
Being constantly angry and overly critical of your partner is likely to extinguish those flames of passion and create a stressful and insecure environment which is not conducive for sex. Anger can also be elicited by one partner towards the other if they are withholding sex.

We all have our differences from time to time and conflict, to a certain extent, can be healthy in a relationship. However, it's the way you express these differences that matters. By stating them clearly and respectfully or perhaps adjusting your expectations you can avoid your partner shying away from you. For example, by discussing expectations about the frequency of sex you can avoid resentment and frustration in your relationship. If anger is something you feel unable to control then you should seek professional help.

Give your whole heart 
Unfortunately there is a tendency to take those close to us for granted. We trust they will always be there for us and so begin to neglect their sexual and emotional needs, perhaps reserving our passion for another person outside of the marriage. We think that however we behave they will never leave us and as they become more needy we distance ourselves from them, scorning them for what they have become.

It is important to appreciate your partner every single day. By simply reminding yourself of the fragility of relationships and treating every day in your relationship as potentially the last this will prevent you from taking them for granted.

Need professional help?
If you are having problems with sexual desire or any other relationships difficulties and would like to talk to someone then contact your local First Psychology centre at one of the following locations:
Edinburgh: 0131-668-1440, www.edinburghtherapy.co.uk
Glasgow: 0141-404-5411, www.glasgowpsychology.co.uk
Borders: 01896-800-400, www.borderspsychology.co.uk
Aberdeen: 01224-452-848, www.aberdeenpsychology.co.uk

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