Healing childhood wounds

Childhood wounds aren’t necessarily just caused by one major trauma in our lives, they may have arisen due to ongoing upset from a family member or classmate. Perhaps you were bullied physically or mentally, you suffered from emotional neglect, or had a serious medical condition. Whatever trauma you experienced, it's imperative to heal young wounds in order to live a happy and healthy adult life.

Research published on Jama Network says that: "Childhood trauma exposure is a normative experience, statistically speaking, that affects the majority of children at some point and subsequently has the potential to influence many aspects of functioning.  This study suggests that these effects are longstanding – lasting 20 or more years..."

Ways that childhood wounds can affect adulthood

Depending on how long you have lived with the scars of a traumatic childhood, you might not be aware of the full impact it has had on your behaviour and overall mental wellbeing. As the years pass by, it’s not unusual to push painful thoughts or feelings into the background so they become trapped inside, never being confronted or dealt with.

Intense negative emotions such as fear, anger, shame and sadness will gradually begin to shape your future as an adult. Because we are often told that we shouldn’t express our negative emotions and we feel pressured to keep our problems to ourselves, we suppress thoughts and feelings which then rear their heads in other ways. Some examples include:

• Lack of body confidence
• Lack of social confidence
• Unable to maintain healthy relationships
• Unable to hold down a job or career
• Develop unhealthy habits to cope with stress or anxiety

However your childhood wounds have affected you as an adult, there are still ways in which you can deal with the hurt and begin to heal. Here are some ways which may help get you started. 

1. Facing the memories and recognising your emotions

Possibly the hardest part of healing old wounds is revisiting what scarred you as a child, but this can be essential to progress positively. By making a list of what hurt you at the time, you can start to recognise and understand how it made you feel at the time.

2. Accepting your emotions

It’s important that you learn to accept your emotions before you can move on from them. As you start to remember the past, it’s likely that you’ll begin to experience some of those emotions again, but this time allow yourself to feel them knowing that it’s okay to do so. Whether you feel angry or feel the urge to cry, try to release whatever is inside you. Also write down how you are feeling as this can become a powerful part of the process of letting go.

3. Letting go

Once you’ve completed the most difficult steps above, you now need to let go of all those negative emotions and memories. There are several ways you can do this.

• Try meditation and imagine all of that negative energy leaving your body and mind.
• Either share your feelings that you previously wrote down with a friend or someone close to you, or safely burn the piece of paper. 
• Use your experiences or emotions to do something creative and positive such as writing a book or painting.
• Take up a hobby or a passion that you’ve always wanted to do but you’ve been too afraid to do previously because of fear or a lack of confidence.

Be more body confident and hit the beach

For many of us, summer is a favourite time of year as we dream of sunny skies and days spent on the beach watching the waves crash onto the shore. But it can also summon up feelings of fear and anxiety as we dread the moment when we’re stripping down to a bikini or high-cut shorts in public. In recent years, the term 'beach body' has become hot on everyone’s lips but its unrealistic expectations have brought with it unhealthy crash diets and excessive pressure to strive for a 'perfect' figure.

In reality, we are all unique and very often no amount of dieting and exercise will give us the false body image we aspire to. But this doesn’t have to mean we can’t achieve body confidence and feel comfortable in our own skin.

Lack of self-esteem and confidence can have a serious effect on your mental wellbeing and can be a risk factor for mental health issues such as:

• Anxiety
• Depression
• Eating disorders

A body image report published by the Mental Health Foundation showed that “Higher body dissatisfaction is associated with a poorer quality of life, psychological distress and the risk of unhealthy behaviours and eating disorders.”

Ways to achieve body confidence

Admittedly, we do generally feel much better in ourselves when we love our body but there are more ways to gain confidence than just eating a healthy diet and keeping fit – although this is also recommended not just to maintain physical health but also a healthy and positive mind.

Be realistic

When you look back at photos of yourself from several years ago and compare yourself to how you look now, it’s likely you think you looked great but at the time you probably had as many insecurities about your body as you do now. Try to live in the moment, appreciate the positives and remember that in years to come, you’ll look back and wish you’d embraced how you looked.

Also, remember there is no such thing as 'perfect' and we come in different shapes and sizes. Unfortunately, with so many social media platforms and online beauty magazines, it’s easy to compare yourself to others. But don’t forget, much of the time the images we see online have been airbrushed or manipulated to iron out what people believe to be imperfections. It’s a sure thing that when you do hit the beach, you won’t find tons of supermodels parading around!

Focus on the positives

Make a list of all the parts of yourself that you DO love, whether its your hair, legs or eyes and remember there is only one you. Try practising daily affirmations to remind yourself of all your amazing qualities, and you will soon start to believe them. One of the things that people will notice first about you is your confidence and there’s nothing more noticeable than wearing a huge smile!